I was frantically trying to clean the s***k off my sister's duvet when my mum walked in. She took one look at me and said "YOUR DISGUSTING".
"I'm disgusting?" I replied.
"She's the one who spat it out"

I rang Babestation last night.
The girl answered and said "Hi, what can I do for you...?"
I said "****ing hide, I've lost the remote and the wife is coming down the stairs!!"