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Thread: In tribute to the Python Travel Agents Sketch...

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    Regular Member Blagmeister's Avatar
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    Default In tribute to the Python Travel Agents Sketch...

    Oh, so it’s Christmas again, eh?

    Just when you thought you’d got rid of the last lot of scrounging relatives from overstaying their welcome from the summer holidays, sitting around in your back garden setting fire to everything on the pretext of having a barbecue and knocking back your entire stock of Watney’s Red Barrel, they descend on you again like a plague of locusts to try the same trick again, only this time it’s worse because there’s more of them, and not content with bringing bagfuls of luggage with them, they turn up on your doorstep with well-meaning oafish grins and boxes full of hastily and tattily wrapped windscreen wash, two cans of multigrade, and 15 packs of chewing gum bought from the garage just round the corner ten minutes before, and then Granny starts frightening the children by trying to get a “little Christmas kissy” before they all proceed to drink you out of house and home, stuffing their fat faces with Full English Breakfast washed down with gallons of tea and that’s before they get stuck into the pre-prandial Christmas snifter of 15 sherries, Port & Brandy, Babysham and gallons of Watney’s Red Barrel before proceeding to tuck away three times what the average person would eat in a week, finally passing out in front of the Queen's Speech, farting gently in their sleep until they wake up with a start just as the Great Escape is finishing with Mad Uncle Albert wondering why the Queen is on a motorbike, demanding tea and cake before the children are forced to fetch and carry all the presents from under the Christmas tree because everyone else is too full of Turkey, sprouts and bleedin' Watney's Red Barrel to get off their fat arses and get their prezzies themselves, and then looking disappointed when all they get are tartan socks and Brut 33, and then once all that soulless frivolity is over more food is demanded this time with cold Turkey and pickles along with the obligatory Watneys Red Barrel before they then pass out for a second time in the wee small hours of the morning leaving a mountain of crocks to be washed, ready for the onslaught of Boxing day when the whole joyful process is repeated, save for the obligatory pre-lunch visit to the pub where all the men look far too clean than is good for them, wearing nasty Pringle sweaters and smelling of Brut 33 and bleeding Watneys Red Barrel, before everyone troops back to the house for yet more cold turkey, bubble and squeak, pickles and wine and even more bleedin' Watneys Red Barrel before the afternoon chorus of communal farting starts to strip the wallpaper from the walls……..

    ........still, at least the kids enjoy it, eh?

    Merry Bl**dy Christmas…….

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    Full Member bobssignum's Avatar
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    So true so true
    Driving vauxhall,s for 30 + years
    and still loving it

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