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Thread: Need a nappy

  1. #1
    Full Member Old man Jimbo's Avatar
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    Default Need a nappy

    Totally ripped from another forum but soooo funny....


    Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased
    his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:
    Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked
    my interest.
    The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little
    something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a
    100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer.
    The effects of the tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no
    long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time
    to retreat to safety....??

    WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.

    I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.
    Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the
    button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get
    the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

    AWESOME!!!

    Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on
    the face of her microwave.

    Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it
    couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?

    There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting
    little soul)while I was reading the directions and thinking that I
    really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

    I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a
    second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if
    I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a
    mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I
    wrong?

    So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading
    glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one
    hand, and tazer in another.

    The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient
    your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms
    and a major loss of bodily control; and a three-second burst would
    purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of
    water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the
    batteries.

    All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5"
    long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy
    AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible
    way!'

    What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best ...



    I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one
    side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second
    burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I
    decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched
    the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and ...

    HOLY MOTHER OF.. . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE ....!!!

    I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in
    the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and
    over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position,
    with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles
    nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest
    position, and tingling in my legs!

    The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to
    a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to
    avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

    Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a tazer, one
    note of caution: there is NO such thing as a one second burst when you
    zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged
    from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor! A three second
    burst would be considered conservative!

    A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at
    that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and
    surveyed the landscape.

    My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The
    recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally
    was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My
    face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip
    weighed 88 lbs.. I had no control over the drooling.

    Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for
    sure, and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my
    head, which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my
    testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!

    P.s... My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift
    and now regularly threatens me with it!

    If you think education is difficult, try being stupid !!!
    Ken-tec FTW.

  2. #2
    Regular Member Geo77's Avatar
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    Default


  3. #3
    Regular Member SRimonkey's Avatar
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    Default

    lol

  4. #4
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    Default

    lol that is so funny....

  5. #5
    Regular Member mattv6diesel's Avatar
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    Vehicle : Bmw 330d

    Trim : Msport

    Engine : 3.0d

    Year : 2008

    Default

    lol lol

  6. #6
    North West Regional Organiser paulvectrac's Avatar
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    Vehicle : vectra

    Trim : vxr

    Engine : 2.8 v6 turbo

    Year : 2007

    Default

    omg think am dyin of lafter lol
    Vectra vxr custome remaps egr deletes dpf and diagnostic work all remaps are custome bench tuning avalible all genuine equipment PM for info

  7. #7
    Regular Member keith1983's Avatar
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    Vehicle : Vectra 1.8 SRi

    Trim : SRi

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    Default

    I was hoping for a link to ebay to buy one!

  8. #8
    Regular Member jlock's Avatar
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    Vehicle : BMW 525i

    Trim : M-Sport

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    Default

    Haha classic

  9. #9
    Regular Member kenp's Avatar
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  10. #10
    Full Member Robsey's Avatar
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    Default

    dont tell my wife she would happily test it on me -probably on a daily basis for a laugh...
    she's sweet and caring like that.

    I have to ask...who would test it on themselves!!

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