1. More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realise you're wrong.
3. I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?
4. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
5. Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?
6. There is a great need for sarcasm font.
7. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realise I had no idea what was going on when I first saw it.
8. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
9. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
10. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
11. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
12. Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
13. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
14. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong.
15. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
16. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
17. Bad decisions make good stories.
18. Why is it that during an icebreaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem...
19. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
20. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
21. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
22. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page document that I swear I did not make any changes to.
23. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
24. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
25. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
26. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
27. I wonder if the police ever get ****ed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.