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Thread: A little rant at my little one's nursery (long post-take time to read)!

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    Full Member Vaux-Man-G's Avatar
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    Default A little rant at my little one's nursery (long post-take time to read)!

    Sorry chaps, just venting a bit of frustration really.

    My little one has just turned 1 a few weeks back and the misses is back at work in 2 weeks so we had to put him in nursery, not that I want to-but what choice do we have!!

    Anyway, we went to see nursery's about 6-8 months ago and found one we liked. Good location, good feel and great atmosphere! So we enrolled him at this particular one out of the others we saw.

    Anyway, last week we had to start his settling in period and we were told its simply two 1 hour slots with the parent, then one 1 hour slot with the parent outside and then 2 half days alone---THATS IT!

    Anyway, the misses took him down last week for the 1st session and it was horrid! They didnt even approach our little one and talk to him and they didnt even ask the misses any questions. Misses was quite upset and started having second thoughts! Anyway, second session, pretty much the same so we thought OK maybe this is how they settle them and let them get on with it!

    Anyway, last Friday was his first lone session without parents. We got there and the little one went off to play and they were playing with him, looking good today we thought. So they said you should go now. As expected, we were both in tears leaving him there!

    About an hour later we called them and they said he started crying badly once we left and was hard to contain, yet they didnt call us. They said he was OK now though. So we called again an hour later and he had cried more and put himself to sleep. We asked if we should come and get him and they said he is asleep and they were going to give dinner shortly.

    So, we went about 2 hours later to get him and the lady said he has eaten and went back to sleep. Did he ! He was lying on the blanket with his eyes open almost like he was scared to get up. He saw us and jumped up!

    OK, so we thought he needs to settle in, so yesterday was his next half day lone session. Misses went to drop him and he clung onto her and screamed and they had to grab him off her. Misses calls me bawling her eyes out! She called up about half hour later and she can still hear him crying. She calls up another hour later and he has put himself to sleep crying (at a time that was not even his sleep time).

    Anyway, asked if we should come and get him and they said no, you should let him settle in. Anyway, misses went to get him at 12:30pm and he pretty much wanted to run away as fast as he could from there! They said to the wife that he had aboout 2 or 3 swigs of his 6oz of milk and had about 2 spoons of lunch and had about 2-3oz of water. OK, so we thought he is going to be like this on the first few days. They hand the misses his day sheet and they have put on there:
    - Baby enjoyed himself today;
    - Had milk;
    - Had lunch;
    - Had water.

    DID HE !

    He had less than 2 spoons of feed.
    He had about 1 drop of water.
    How the did he enjoy himself when he cried the entire time and when the misses went to get him he ran!

    To make matters worse, instead of making a note of his nappy changes, they wrote that the nappy was changed "as and when needed"!

    So we decided enough was enough, I dont want my son going there. SOOO we have spent this morning finding a different one and TBH, the entire structure and approach is totallt different. At the new one, the manageress was literally treating him like her own and ALL the staff made and effort to speak my my misses and I to ask us about the little one! Feels comforting! So we enrolled him straight away and today he had his 1st 1 hour settling in period and the misses said he loved it. The staff noticed that he liked the sand so they went and got the sand station out "especially" for him!

    In addition, the way they do the settling in is soo much different. They said we need 2 weeks settling in. 1st day is 1 hour and the parent stays with the child. 2nd day is 1 hour and the parent stays with the child then goes out for 5 minutes ever 10-15 minutes. Then we increase the time to 1.5 hours and 2 hours, etc, etc and the parent starts to leave the child for longer and only called back in if child is looking for parent and cry's. Depending on the childs progression, they then make a decision as to when they can leave the child onsite alone and the mother/father return home. They usually allow 2 weeks settling in but if not fully settled they are happy to increase.

    So a bit of a contrast hey to the "other" nursery. Totally heartbreaking the last week has been!

    So there you have it, my rant at the nursery. I wont name and shame them as im sure they aint as bad as I am thinking, but I simply cannot see my child go through what he did last week and yesterday!

    If anyone does want to put their child in a nursery from a small age and are in Birmingham, I am happy to let you know by PM ONLY.

    On the flip side, I will let you know how he gets on at the new place and if he is OK there, I will also happily inform you of where this place is too.

    Heartbreaking but some points in the above that I think every parent has a right to know and choose.

    Nursery must be right for the parents too as well as the child!

    Been and upsetting few days to be honest!

    Rant Over....sorry, but a bit of steam has now been let off!
    Last edited by Vaux-Man-G; 26th August 2009 at 17:23.


    Bye bye Vec B
    - Hello Siggy!

  2. #2
    Regular Member Robbie69's Avatar
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    I fully understand what you mean, my 2 young children are everything to me and the future Mrs. It must be heart breaking but at least you have it sorted now and hopefully he will be very happy. My Mrs drives 12 miles to take our little girl to nursery as it is brilliant and Isobel loves it. Most are run by young kids who have done a course but actually don't know how to treat and be with young children. You can see the difference a mile away.

    If your kids aren't happy it will make all of your lives a misery, hope the little fella is loving it now,

    Robbie

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    Regular Member John C S's Avatar
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    The pre-school where my daughter goes is brilliant. I always feel reassured when I leave my daughter there. I helped out with the sports day and I love their security procedures as well. If they ever go off site, parents are consulted beforehand and actively encouraged to help.

    At the end of the day, you've got to feel and sense it's right.

    My daughter was ill over her first xmas and new year in 2006, we'd followed every procedure and guideline up to that point that we'd be recommended.

    At 5am, sitting in Frenchay hospital with a very tired wife and sorry looking daughter. We said to the doctor, our daughters not sleeping unless she's in her car seat. Well why not leave her in her car seat, he said. We said about the two and a half hour limit, and he laughed and said. So you'd rather follow a guideline than what's best for your daughter??

    From that day forward, we have done what we thought is best. Which is exactly what you've done G!

  4. #4
    [Ex]Admin Duncan's Avatar
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    Have you considered looking at a childminder? We ruled out a nursery for Cameron as no way were we putting him in one at his age (he started with the childminder at four months!) - so we looked for childminders (you can find all the Ofsted registered ones, along with their last Ofsted report, on their website. They're only allowed to have so many kids of a certain age so four days a week (expect during school holidays as Mrs Duncan is a teacher so is off during those obviously) he goes there for the morning (four hours) and at most there are only ever two other kids there with him - and one of those is one of her three year old son (the other is at school).

    So at times in can basically be a one-to-one scenario which is brilliant, and she's been brilliant. When we were looking we looked at two others and this one stood head and shoulders above the others - you could tell she was very much the pro-active type and one that was very much into development with Cameron - as opposed to being a glorified babysitter which some are - and we were right, she's been superb. We didn't have any sort of 'settling in' period, can't recall if it was even offered, but he settled in straight away with her from day one - the age probably helped a bit I'm sure.

    I don't know what a nursery costs but I don't think a childminder is any more expensive? PM me if you want to discuss specifics - which obviously can be different in different areas but I'd expect that Birmingham won't be any more expensive than down here for a childminder.

    As said, Cameron has been with our childminder since he was 4 months old, which we were obviously somewhat apprehensive about, but we soon relaxed when we saw what care he was getting. She would, and still does, write in his book a full report of what he's done each day, what food, nappies etc. - everything basically - and I'd have a general chat with her each time I dropped him off and picked him up in the afternoon.

    Even as he gets older, we won't be putting him into a nursey. As long as this childminder can keep taking him he'll be going there for a while yet. We've even got #2 'booked in' for her to have once the appropriate time comes.

    Might be worth having a look at that option?

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    [Ex]Admin Duncan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Duncan View Post
    I don't know what a nursery costs but I don't think a childminder is any more expensive?
    Just had a quick chat with Mrs Duncan and looked up a couple of local nurseries and the childminders are no more expensive than the nurseries. In fact they tend to be less expensive than the nurseries. It wasn't any difference in cost that made us go with the childminder - it was simply that we preferred that environment (more a home environment as it's in her home as opposed to the school type environment of a nursery. He's got plenty of years of school environment to come so we thought why put him into that even earlier) - plus the major factor that no way were we going to put a four month old into that environment.

    The other thing is that a childminder tends to be far more flexible than a nursery. We've asked her to take him earlier/later/longer - often at short notice - and she's usually been able to accommodate.

    HTH and as I said feel free to PM me if you wanted to chat any more specifics that you didn't want to post up.

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    Regular Member Damian's Avatar
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    Nurseries are a bit hit miss it would appear, my little lad was in nursery from 3 months old right through to time for school, yes it is very expensive at over £500 per month for fulltime but I don't regret a single moment of it, the stuff he has learnt at nursery in the nursery environment in my opinion cannot be learnt anywhere else.

    From such a young age he has learnt manners and sharing and routine, but more importantly social skills. He started at primary school last January and he and the other fulltime nursery kids are much further along in development socially and academically than the part time or no pre-schoolers.

    A few people look down their nose when you say your child is in fulltime nursery education, they question why you have children if you are going to let someone else look after them, I flip it round though and argue I want what is best for him and nursery is it. Nothing can compare to a member of staff in a 1:3 ratio looking after your child than a parent at home who still needs to do chores and run a household. The other great thing about nursery is they can do all the messy fun stuff there !!!!!

    If you have a bad experieice at one it can put you off as in the OP's case, but find one you are happy with and feel comfortable with then it slots in so nicely and becomes a good part of your life. The nursery originally in question in the OP message does need to have a long hard look at itself and its processes, nurseries require word of mouth recomendations and there are plenty of others out there in competition. We drove 20miles to ours, it helps it was enroute to work but nevertheless our 2nd child is heading there at Christmas

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    [Ex]Admin Duncan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Damian View Post
    From such a young age he has learnt manners and sharing and routine, but more importantly social skills. He started at primary school last January and he and the other fulltime nursery kids are much further along in development socially and academically than the part time or no pre-schoolers.
    Yep. Whilst Cameron hasn't been in a nursery environment, i.e. more kids around him every day, the fact that he's interacting each day with two other kids has certainly developed those social skills, as well as the academic ones as she develops that with him too. Plus, the childminder being the way she is, she'd out most days at playgroups, drop-in groups etc. where he then interacts with many other kids of the same, and older, age.

    Whether it's in a nursery, or a childminder, I agree that the whole social interaction part is sooooo important for a child's development. If all the childminder did was sit at her home with him we wouldn't have kept him there.

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    Both my 2 have been through nursery from 6 months old. We spent a very long time looking at the nursery for the eldest and they were great from day one until she moved to the "wraparound nursery" at her primary school (it's basically a private nursery which offers flexible care around the first 2 years at school with the bonus of early drop offs and late pickup's). We decided to send the second to the same nursery and although her baby and toddler care was great (mostly the same staff as the eldest had had) however in pre-school we felt that she was not getting the care and attention that the eldest had (mainly due to staff changes). We raised the concerns with the owner and things improved for a while but then slipped as the owner was busy dealing with all the ofsted hoops. We again voiced our concerns with the owner but also said that we would be moving the youngest to the wraparound as they could now take younger children (and it would save us a small fortune..).
    We didn't like doing what we did as we know the owners quite well and a few other family members have sent their children there on the basis of the eldest's enjoyment.

    However your little one's happiness is your utmost priority and if you feel it's not right then you make a choice.

    My younger brother refused to send his kids to a nursery and basically expected my mum to do most of the childminding. Rather annoying from my point of view since I'd shelled out thousands on nursery. However after a while my mum put them into morning playgroup at my kids school because they were missing out on the social stuff which kids need to help them develop.

  9. #9
    Full Member Vaux-Man-G's Avatar
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    Great information guys. Duncan, we did look at the childminding thing, but at the time of looking at nursery's, we didnt really know of anyone who had actually used a childminder so as expected, we were a little apprehensive about it, hence we went for the nursery.

    The problem I have is that he will be there full time Mon-Fri as my wife works in a school as the school secretary, and the bigger problem is she was only jus appointed in this role 4 months ago so she didnt want to knock it.

    If I had my way, she would be going part time or job share but in this day and age its very difficult!

    I had a chat with the misses about the nursery yesterday, but its early days in the new place and she was around him too. Today she will be taking him in again but they will ask her to keep popping in and out of the nursery to see how he takes to it. Then tomorrow he has a double session in 2 seperate slots, I guess that will be somewhat of a litmus test!

    I will keep you posted on how it goes today, but in the meantime, in my original post I mentioned the sand station......here he is!!



    And we are fully aware of the policies of taking pix where there are kids, so when the pic was taking, we ensured there was no other child around!!!


    Bye bye Vec B
    - Hello Siggy!

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    Regular Member Dan_BlackSRi's Avatar
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    Awesome pic mate

    We had a similar experience with a nursery local to us, when we went on the taster sessions they were awesome with Harrison, and he seemed happy (after the heartbreak of dropping him off and seeing him crying) - so once we completed the initial sessions, he was there (he only did 1 day a week) - to cut a long story short the sheet they gave us of his day did not match when we picked him up later in the day, most of the time he was caked in stains and was as a grubby as hell - and was always thirsty - we used swine flu as an excuse to not take him and now we have our 2nd child - there is no need for him to go.

    Now our dilema is that it costs around £250 a month to send 2 children to nursery 1 day a week, my Mrs would lose about the same if she dropped another day from her working week - so that seems to be the way to go at the moment for us.

    In some ways I don't regret taking him to nursery as the interaction with other children has helped him with his sharing etc and he is as good as gold with his new sister but like others have said, nurseries seem very hit and miss.

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