Today while attempting to repair his facia boards, Steve aka *Spoons VXRD* had a big fright at as the ladder he was on was kicked away from under him by a group of yob Grasshoppers from Dagenham who'd been out on a stag night the night before, apparently Steve had been recognised by one of the group and pointed out that he was the one that murdered several of the grasshopper's family in a field at Billing recently, it seems they were sunbathing that day on an earth mound when they were violently all run over by a black Vectra.
Luckily for Steve as he fell the postman was delivering his mail but had dropped todays post just at the spot Steve landed, Steve brushing himself down was heard to say ... Jezzus I've never been so happy to get speeding summons' and twenty parking ticket's all at the same time, sadly the box containing the roof mount boomerang spoiler that was the VXRD's next mod never made it, Steve's body weight had totally shattered the box and it's contents, but all the same nobody was heard complaining.
The perp hopper when arrested had this to say .... I don't read Total Vauxhall so I don't care, he murdered my bro and his girlfriend and I wanted to even it up and he ain't off the hook cos we been on the blower to our Yankee cuz's who as we speak are flying over with some hard hitting Locusts that drink with them.
As insect justice moves a lot quicker than it's human version, in court this afternoon Steve was given a stern warning by Judge C Ricket and told to look where he was going next time, several hopper witnesses had to be restrained as passions flared, one was heard to say ... he walks free our friends are dead, this year alone he's killed 5000 housefly's including 6 visiting flies from Greece who'd only stopped at the roadside Turdger King for a quick bite to eat on their way to the Horse Hair Hotel in a field near the M25.
Steve was unavailable for comment, but iI'm sure he will shortly.
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