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Thread: tesco letter

  1. #1
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    Default tesco letter

    a letter from tesco to a customer




    Dear Mrs. Murray,

    While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics.

    Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras:

    1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's trolleys when they weren't looking.

    2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

    3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine products aisle.

    4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, "Code 3" in housewares..... And watched what happened.

    5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

    6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calor gas stove.

    7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he began to cry and asked, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

    8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a
    mirror, picked his nose, and ate it. (YUK!)

    9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants were.

    10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

    11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practiced the "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

    12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

    13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed the foetal position and screamed "NO! NO! It's those voices again."

    And; last, but not least:

    14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here."

    Yours sincerely,


    Charles Brown
    Store Manager






    love number 2 lol

  2. #2
    Regular Member cameraman's Avatar
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    14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here."


    lmao

  3. #3
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    Awsome lol

  4. #4
    Regular Member Keithy's Avatar
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    lmao. number one. i gotta try that

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    roflmfao

  6. #6
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    rotflmffaoweahd

  7. #7
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    hahahahahahha

  8. #8
    Regular Member trickysvec's Avatar
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    pmsl @ number 3.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Keithy View Post
    lmao. number one. i gotta try that
    I've done that, and sometimes still do, and it never gets old.

    Trick is to drop condoms in womens trolleys and tampons in Mens, then just park near the tills and watch their faces.

    Surprisingly I found that 75% of the time that they'll take and pay for them rather than feel embarrassed and say "I don't know how they got in here" and put them to one side!!!

  10. #10
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    This appears to be the latest UK version - but they don't usually translate well from the US originals.

    http://www.snopes.com/humor/letters/spree.asp

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