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Thread: Scottish tales

  1. #1
    Regular Member Tadpole's Avatar
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    Default Scottish tales

    SCOTTISH TALES



    A Scotsman was heading out to the pub and turned to his wee wife before
    leaving..."Jean - put your hat and coat on lassie."

    "Awe Guy that's nice - are you taking me to the pub with you?"

    "Nae, just switching the central heating off while I'm oot."


    The first people in the UK to have double glazing were the Scots. .. so
    their kids couldn't hear the ice cream vans.



    How many Scotsmen does it take to change a light bulb?

    Och! it's no that dark!



    Have you heard about the lecherous Scotsman who lured a girl up to his attic
    to see his etchings?

    He sold her four of them....



    A Scotsman took a girl for a romantic ride in his taxi.

    She was so beautiful he could hardly keep his eye on the meter...



    A suicidal Scotsman went next door to his neighbour's house to gas
    himself....



    A very popular man dies in Aberdeen and his old widow wishes to tell all his
    friends at once, so she goes to the Aberdeen Evening Express and says, "I'd
    like tae place an obituary fur ma late husband"

    The man at the desk says "OK, how much money dae ye have?"

    The old woman replies "£5" to which the man says "Ye won't get many words
    for that but write something and we'll see if it's ok"

    So the old woman writes something and hands it over the counter.

    The man reads "Peter Reid, fae Kincorth, deid"

    He feels sad at the abruptness of the statement and encourages the old woman
    to write a few more things, saying "I think we cud allow 3 or 4 more words
    fer ye money."

    The old woman ponders and then adds a few more words and hand the paper over
    the counter again.

    The man then reads "Peter Reid, fae Kincorth, deid. Ford Escort for
    sale"......

  2. #2
    Regular Member bgm46's Avatar
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    bbbbbbbbbbbboooooooooooooooooo

  3. #3
    Regular Member mace's Avatar
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    Racialist

  4. #4
    Regular Member Dose's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bgm46 View Post
    bbbbbbbbbbbboooooooooooooooooo

    fokin fok

  5. #5
    Regular Member wiggy's Avatar
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    hahahahahahahahahahahahaha loves a giggle

  6. #6
    Regular Member Big Davie's Avatar
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    Just sums this place up!!

  7. #7
    Regular Member fingers66's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Big Davie View Post
    Just sums this place up!!
    Will you tell them or will I tell them the Scots are the most genurous folk in the UK ....

  8. #8
    Regular Member Martybhoy's Avatar
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    boooooooooooo

  9. #9
    Regular Member fingers66's Avatar
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    There was a little mouse called Keith,
    who circumcised Englishmen with his teeth
    It wasnt for leisure or sexual pleasure
    It was just for the cheese underneath


  10. #10
    Regular Member Big Davie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fingers66 View Post
    There was a little mouse called Keith,
    who circumcised Englishmen with his teeth
    It wasnt for leisure or sexual pleasure
    It was just for the cheese underneath

    I wouldn't drop to his level.

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