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Thread: Dear Pet

  1. #1
    On a Sabbatical
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    Default Dear Pet

    Dear Dogs and Cats,

    The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing! in the slightest.

    The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

    I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort.. Dogs and cats can Curl up in a ball when they sleep.

    It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

    For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered.

    I have been using the bathroom for years--canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

    The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

    To pacify you my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

    Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:

    1. They live here. You don't.

    2. If you don't want hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)

    3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

    4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours, and does not speak clearly.

    Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they: eat less, don't ask for money all the ti! me, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

  2. #2
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    Default

    Alex, this is BRILLIANT!!!!!! Trying to explain this to our lot at the moment, but mostly being ignored!!

  3. #3
    Ex Vec-C Admin ed taylor's Avatar
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    Vehicle : Vectra Estate

    Trim : Elite

    Engine : 3.2 V6

    Year : 04

    Mileage : 000

    Default

    I very much agree, I have had dogs and some cats for most of my life, they are part of the family.

  4. #4
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    Default

    When I get home there will be two kittens in the house. 9 weeks old (I think), one boy and one girl.

  5. #5
    Ex Vec-C Admin ed taylor's Avatar
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    Vehicle : Vectra Estate

    Trim : Elite

    Engine : 3.2 V6

    Year : 04

    Mileage : 000

    Default

    My wife has a friend who knows,s some one in spain who breeds pedigree cats, they are allowed to live in the house, at the last count she had 50 cats and 50 kittens, that is whay I call dedication.. Mind you she does make about £20.000 a year in selling them though.

  6. #6
    Regular Member OilBurner's Avatar
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    Default

    Brilliant, that one was very funny!

  7. #7
    Regular Member Mrs Ian's Avatar
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    Will definatley be telling the "kids" about this one when I get home tonight!

    What is it with cats and bathrooms? Ours always want to come in with us!!!

  8. #8
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    Default

    very good AJA. read this twice to my dog now,still doesn`t seem to understand

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