Don't worry, this isn't a man-love admission!
A guy at work has just bought an 08 VXR. Naturally, he's very excited about it, and told everyone who would listen (and some who wouldn't) all about the "sapphire black vauxhall vectra vxr 2.8 v6 turbo 280" that he had fallen in love with. Luckily, the garage managed to get it ready for him in about 48 hours so we didn't have to endure too many repetitions!
He turned up at work the other morning in his new car. To be fair, it still had the showroom shine, and looked lovely. When it got light he chucked me the keys and said I could have a look, so I dutifully went outside, kicked the tyres, started the engine, revved it a couple of times then came back in and told him how clever he was, what a great car it was, and generally massaged his ego, which was what he wanted.
Then he gave the keys to someone else to go and have a look. While this other chap was outside, he'd left the door open and the whole building could hear the gorgeous exhaust note as the engine revved. Some of the women started to take note, and he took the opportunity to tell the whole room about his new acquisition...
Him: "Just listen to that... That's the turbo spinning round"
Me: " that'll be the exhaust, mate."
Him: "No, that's the turbo. It's a VXR Turbo, this model."
Me: "Steve, ALL VXRs have turbos fitted "
Him: "Oh, right... But that V6 sounds good, doesn't it?"
Me: "Yeah, it's lovely. Same as mine, you know?"
Him: "Really? Wow! 22 cylinders of power, eh?"
Me: " 22 cylinders? You mean 6, right?"
Him: "Er.. "
Me: "It's a V6. So 6 cylinders, not 22... "
Him: "Oh, right... What was I thinking of? Oh yeah, valves. 22 valves, isn't it?"
Me: " I don't think so. It has to be a multiple of 6, so it's probably 24v"
Him: "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Alloys are nice though, aren't they?"
Me: "Mmmmm "
Him: "Never thought I'd have a car with 20" alloys on it"
Me: " 20"? They're 19", Steve, standard VXR alloys..."
At which point he made some excuse and left before he made an even bigger tit of himself! And to cap it all off, on his way to work yesterday he had a blowout on the M6 and, thanks to having a can of tyre weld instead of a spare, had to arrive on the back of a low loader!
Top marks, bud!