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Thread: Paddy & Murphy are back!!

  1. #1
    Full Member Vaux-Man-G's Avatar
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    Default Paddy & Murphy are back!!

    Paddy & Mick go to London to donate sp*rm. It was a disaster! Paddy missed the tube & Mick came on the bus!!
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Paddy & Murphy are working on a building site. Paddy says to Murphy 'Im gonna have the day off, Im gonna pretend Im mad!'

    He climbs up the rafters , hangs upside down & shouts 'I'M A LIGHTBULB! I'M A LIGHTBULB!' Murphy watches in amazement!

    The Foreman shouts 'Paddy you're mad, go home' So he leaves the site.

    Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well.

    'Where the hell are you going?' asks the Foreman.

    'I cant work in the fr*ggin dark! ' says Murphy.
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night. After 3 hours of amazing s*x Paddy says 'I wonder how the girls are getting on'
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Q. Whats a Catholic priest & a pint of Guinness got in common?

    A. black coat, white collar & you've got to watch your arse if you get a dodgy one!
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Paddy the electrician got sacked from the U.S. prison service for not servicing the electric chair. He said in his professional opinion it was a death trap!
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Paddy's chat up lines:

    1. Did ya fart? 'Cos ya just blew me away!
    2. Are your parents retarded? 'Cos your special!
    3. My love for you is like diarrhoea. I just cant hold it in!

    4. Is there a mirror in your knickers? 'Cos I can see myself in them!
    5. Your body reminds me of a spanner. Evertime I think of you my nuts tighten up!
    6. You might not be the best looking girl in here, but beauty is only a light switch away!
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Paddy, the Irish boyfriend of the woman whos head was found on Arbroath beach was asked to identify her. A detective held up the head to which point Paddy said 'I dont think thats her, she wasnt that tall!'
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Paddy & his wife are lying in bed & the neighbours dog is barking like mad in the garden. Paddy says 'To hell with this!' & storms off.

    He comes back upstairs 5 mins later & his wife asks 'What did you do?'

    Paddy replies 'Ive put the dog in our garden, lets see how they like it!'
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Paddy is said to be shocked at finding out all his cows have Bluetongue. 'Be Jaysus!' he said, 'I didnt even know they had mobile phones!'
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Mick & Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery. Mick say 'Crikey! Theres a bloke here who was 152!'

    Paddy says 'Whats his name?'

    Mick replies 'Miles from London !'
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    An Irishman is rowing his boat in a field of hay. Paddy drives past & stops. He looks at the Irishman in the boat & shouts 'Its thick ******s like you that give us Irish a bad name! I'd come over there & kick the f**k out of you if I could swim!'



    .


    Bye bye Vec B
    - Hello Siggy!

  2. #2
    Regular Member Neil71's Avatar
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    Blxxdy excellent, Going over to Dublin soon so I had better NOT repeat these lines.

  3. #3
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    Default

    like those smile in the afternoon is always a good way to end a crap day at work

  4. #4
    Full Member gibbon7000's Avatar
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    Default

    That has brightened up my day no end. Funny as!!

  5. #5
    Forum Moderator soulman's Avatar
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    Vehicle : Vauxhall

    Trim : Astra Twin Top

    Engine : 1.9cdti

    Year : 07

    Default

    lol sooooooooooooooooooooooooo funny

  6. #6
    Full Member Vaux-Man-G's Avatar
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    These 2 are my fave's:

    4. Is there a mirror in your knickers? 'Cos I can see myself in them!
    5. Your body reminds me of a spanner. Evertime I think of you my nuts tighten up!

    !! FPMSL !!! !!


    Bye bye Vec B
    - Hello Siggy!

  7. #7
    Regular Member big rich's Avatar
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    Vehicle : Vectra gsi

    Trim : Full heated leather

    Engine : 3200

    Year : 2004

    Default

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Paddy & his wife are lying in bed & the neighbours dog is barking like mad in the garden. Paddy says 'To hell with this!' & storms off.

    He comes back upstairs 5 mins later & his wife asks 'What did you do?'

    Paddy replies 'Ive put the dog in our garden, lets see how they like it!


    pmsl

  8. #8
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    Default

    An Irishman is rowing his boat in a field of hay. Paddy drives past & stops. He looks at the Irishman in the boat & shouts 'Its thick ******s like you that give us Irish a bad name! I'd come over there & kick the f**k out of you if I could swim!'


  9. #9
    Regular Member steeb82's Avatar
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    mint love them

  10. #10
    Regular Member TKD Colin's Avatar
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    Funny as F*ck, the wife is sat accross the room looking at me like I need a straight jacket I'm laughing so much.

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