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Thread: jokes for brave men to repeat

  1. #1
    Regular Member mark_w's Avatar
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    Default jokes for brave men to repeat

    VERY BRAVE MAN JOKES ---
    >
    > How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
    > Marry It!
    >
    > What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
    > A battery has a positive side.
    >
    > What are the three fastest means of communication?
    > 1) Television
    > 2) Telephone
    > 3) Telawoman
    >
    > How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
    > They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.
    >
    > What should you give a woman who has everything?
    > A man to show her how to work it.
    >
    > Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a
    > waist?
    > Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.
    >
    > How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
    > Put a nipple on it.
    >
    > Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
    > Because they don't have balls to scratch.
    >
    > Why did God create woman ?
    > To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.
    >
    > Why do women fake orgasms ?
    > Because they think men care.
    >
    > What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
    > Nothing, she's been told twice already.
    >
    > If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have
    > you
    > done wrong?
    > Made her chain too long
    >
    > How many men does it take to open a beer?
    > None. It should be opened when she brings it.
    >
    > Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
    > Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably
    >
    > never be able to support you.
    >
    > Why do women have smaller feet than men?
    > It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand
    > closer
    > to the kitchen sink.
    >
    > How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
    > When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'
    >
    > How do you fix a woman's watch?
    > You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
    >
    > Why do men pass gas more than women?
    > Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required
    > pressure.
    >
    > If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at
    > the
    > front door, who do you let in first?
    > The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
    >
    > What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
    > A woman who won't do what she's told
    >
    > I married a Miss Right.
    > I just didn't know her first name was Always.
    >
    > Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive
    > by
    > 90%..
    > It's called a Wedding Cake.
    >
    > Why do men die before their wives?
    > They want to.
    >
    > Women will never be equal to men..
    > until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut,
    > and
    > still think they are sexy.

  2. #2
    Regular Member mat100edt's Avatar
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    Default

    very Chauvinist but funny.

  3. #3
    Regular Member G.O'Rilla's Avatar
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    Default

    Definitely one for the ladies to appreciate...........not!

  4. #4
    Regular Member signum junkie's Avatar
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    Default

    Just read them all to the wife. I think the fact she left the room and hasnt come back is the proof of the pudding but at least I have peace to check out the restof the forum

  5. #5
    Regular Member Blagmeister's Avatar
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    Default

    > Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a
    > waist?
    > Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.



    pmsl!!!! I laffed so hard a bit of wee came out! Still chuckling to myself now!

  6. #6
    Regular Member bruceybonus's Avatar
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    Default

    you come home rather piddled from the pub one night and see your missus with a broom in her hand.. do you have the nerve to say.... are you cleaning up dear? or are you flying somewhere!

  7. #7
    Regular Member G.O'Rilla's Avatar
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    Anyone who doubts that a dog is man's best friend should try locking both his wife and his dog in the boot of his car.......

    .....and see which one of the two is pleased to see him when he opens the boot an hour later

  8. #8
    Full Member neverlandandy's Avatar
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    Default

    brilliant lol

  9. #9
    Regular Member boba's Avatar
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by mat100edt View Post
    very Chauvinist but funny.
    Don't think it's chauvinist at all, simple facts that's all.
    Mind you, my wife has just grunted something rude and stomped off.

  10. #10
    Regular Member SteveH's Avatar
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    Default

    Quality stuff PMSL

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