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Thread: Help - How do you stop someone self harming/maybe anorexia!

  1. #1
    Regular Member BigMan's Avatar
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    Default Help - How do you stop someone self harming/maybe anorexia!

    This is very serious now and would appreciate some help here..

    Basically last friday night, i had some self inflicted problems, and ended up meeting a mate in a pub in Borehamwood for a beer and chat in the early hours of Saturday Morning...
    In the group he was in was this attractive blond girl, all exchanged pleasantries and that was that..

    I got home about 3am Saturday Morning, and turned the laptop on and found she had added me as a friend on Facebook. Being a numbers addict i added her and that was that..

    Over the last week, she has begun to talk via the IM thing on Facebook. Now, She is 18, very slim(Size 8), very attractive...

    However.....

    She is convinced she is Fat, Ugly,and no man in the world will look at her until she is thin...
    She is starving herself, on Tuesday this week, all she had eaten since Saturday night was a bag of crisips!!!!!
    Now, she makes herself feel better by self harming, but she doesnt think she has a problem, as in her words "Loads of her friends lose weight in this way". It turns out today that she is into Gymnastics and Athletics, both sports where you are pushed to be thin and small, and her team mates and trainers tell her to lose more weight!!!
    She is desperately miserable, and does not know anyway out of it..
    Her dad pased away earleir i the year, and i personally think this is a major factor in this too, quite how i am not sure, but i think it is..

    There is so much more to this, but i dont know what order to write it down in, so for now this will do.

    it is strange that i have known this girl for 7 days, but she has been more open and honest to me, than many of her long standing friends and family..Not quite sure why either. I have been blunt with her, to the point of plain old nasty, but still she wont listen... last monday she told me she didnt have a problem, today she tells me shoe knows she has a problem, but doesnt know how to cure it..

    Anyone ever dealt with this sort of stuff before, and if so give me any pointers, i really wanna help this girl out the woods, as she is on a real sticky wicket if i dont!
    My first port of call would be to batter the Gymnatics Manager and Athletics coach, but that aint gonna do no good.

    Help Anyone!!!!!

  2. #2
    Regular Member Robbie69's Avatar
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    Get her to see her GP, he can refer her for treatment. Unfortunately it may stem from some sort of mental health problem, that's not to say she's mad. I'm a police man and see this type of thing alot, GP mate! She probably won't want to go though or recognize she's got a real problem. Good lick with it,

    Robbie

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    Regular Member Vec-trance's Avatar
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    I've seen this type of thing before. I think that she may be opening up to you as you're not too close to the situation.

    I think you're from the Luton area so have a look at:

    http://www.luton.gov.uk/internet/ref.../mental_health

    But as said before - try and get her to her GP who's make an urgent referral to the Mental Health team.

    Unfortunately there's still a bad stigma with mental health so try not to refer to is as such when speaking to her.

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    On a Sabbatical VauxVeteran's Avatar
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    There doesn't appear to be a full cure for this, I've been there myself (not me, the other arf) I got her out of it for a while but she still does it now, I've confronted her on it, but she denies it's happening, originally I got her out of it by making her very happy according to her friends and also impregnating her so she had to consider the baby, but as lifes drudged on and I'm no longer Prince Charming to her she back on the finger to throat methods.

    No easy answer here Ben, I personally blame the tv and media world for making anyone who isn't a stick feel the odd one out, it seems to be a confidence and esteem thing imo, if this is lacking at all a female will compensate in the only way she knows how to become more accepted.

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    Ok, where do I start, one of my ex's suffered with an eating disorder, it got worse when he become a model.. We are driven by media and people want to look their best..

    It is good that she has acknoleged that she is suffering with this, by doing this she is asking for help..

    I would advise her to see the GP but she might find that hard to do or looking at doing some sort of hobby to keep her focused..

    I have seen this a number of times, I was part of a podium dancers for over 10 years, seen a lot of this..

    I got my ex through this, very hard to watch but I wanted to see him get better.. I taught him to swim and ride a bike, which kept him focused and he has never looked back...

    I did not keep mentioning the eating disorder, I just got him interested in something else and it work but it was not an easy ride..

  6. #6
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    My ex girlfriend was annorexic, she was before I met her, and continued after we split. I found her punching her stomach when she was so hungry, but then completely blanked me when I confronted her about it.

    Her friends told me it had been going on for years... She was so thin it wasnt nice. But she was a lovely girl inside

    In the end, its only her that can change her behaviour, GP is the way forward as this could be a mental health issue that you cant help her with.

    Good luck

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    Regular Member 67688c's Avatar
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    It does sound as though she definately needs help and the fact that she is confiding and talking openly to you is good, and as you state she finds it difficult to even accept she has a problem so it will be difficult to pursuade her to see her GP. This is one of those social and possible mental conditions that was never even heard off when I was young, but I can relate to her condition because I went through something very similiar myself many years ago when I was 39 (in Sixties now) I have always had a weight problem most of my life, not grossly obese but certainly 2 or even 4 stone overweight, I remember I was around 13st when I was in the forces. Anyway... at the young age of 39 I had my first heart attack, I had surgery and recovered well, I was quite heavy then 17st and went on a strict diet and got it down to 12st though I am told I looked ill at that weight, I swore I would never put the weight back on. I returned back to work after 3 months and due to relaxing the diet etc (back into old ways) I started to put it back on very slowly. I started vomitting my food back up in a endevour to keep the weight off, I did my best to keep it from the wife and kids, and I did this for almost 2yrs after almost every meal, It got so bad that if I had say a icecream when out with the family afterwards I would find the nearest public loo to fetch it back up. I was very good at hiding it but eventually the wife caught on and persuaded me to visit the GP, infact she went with me to make sure I went.
    Its a very serious and dangerous condition matey which can escalate out of control, I got help and overcame my problem, and its obvious this girl needs help too. (Nervosa Bulimia is a very serious illness)
    Its going to take time, and I dont envy you in what will be a very difficult task, but for her sake dont give up on her, she's talking to you and thats a start, but getting her to admit she has a problem will take lots of understanding and patience on your part. Try showing a photograph of herself and then show her a photo of someone who is normal weight and one who is obviously overweight, trying to get her to realise that her obsession with losing weight in this manner is one hell of a major task and I truly admire you for wanting to help her.
    Persevere matey, this could end up being a serious problem otherwise.
    I sincerely wish you luck!
    Last edited by 67688c; 8th August 2008 at 18:48.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cameron43 View Post
    It does sound as though she definately needs help and the fact that she is confiding and talking openly to you is good, and as you state she finds it difficult to even accept she has a problem so it will be difficult to pursuade her to see her GP. This is one of those social and possible mental conditions that was never even heard off when I was young, but I can relate to her condition because I went through something very similiar myself many years ago when I was 39 (in Sixties now) I have always had a weight problem most of my life, not grossly obese but certainly 2 or even 4 stone overweight, I remember I was around 13st when I was in the forces. Anyway... at the young age of 39 I had my first heart attack, I had surgery and recovered well, I was quite heavy then 17st and went on a strict diet and got it down to 12st though I am told I looked ill at that weight, I swore I would never put the weight back on. I returned back to work after 3 months and due to relaxing the diet etc (back into old ways) I started to put it back on very slowly. I started vomitting my food back up in a endevour to keep the weight off, I did my best to keep it from the wife and kids, and I did this for almost 2yrs. Afetr almost every meal, It got so bad that if I had say a icecream when out with the family afterwards I would find the nearest public loo to fetch it back up. I was very good at hiding it but eventually the wife caught on and persuaded me to visit the GP, infact she went with me to make sure I went.
    Its a very serious and dangerous condition matey which can escalate out of control, I got help and overcame my problem, and its obvious this girl needs help too.
    Its going to take time, and I dont envy you in what will be a very difficult task, but for her sake dont give up on her, she's talking to you and thats a start, but getting her to admit she has a problem will take lots of understanding and patience on your part. Try showing a photograph of herself and then show her a photo of someone who is normal weight and one who is obviously overweight, trying to get her to realise that her obsession with losing weight in this manner is one hell of a major task and I truly admire you for wanting to help her.
    Persevere matey, this could end up being a serious problem otherwise.
    I sincerely wish you luck!
    I agree with the above, it is good that she is talking about what is happening... In reference to my ex, he hid it well but when you love or care for someone; you will do what ever you can to help them... It does work but you have to have patience; it takes time and their is no quick fix...

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    Regular Member 67688c's Avatar
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    Bigman... by self harming do you mean, she is physically harming herself, (as in cutting herself) or by vommitting (Bulimia) ?

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    It is sometimes easier to speak to a complete stranger, than loved ones as she might feel that they are judging her.. As you stated her dad passed away, then she is looking to focus and hold control, which is stopping her to eat or she has lost at the moment..

    I had a similar problem, when Tiny passed away; I did not feel like eating at all, but I know that I did not want to go down there... I am making myself to eat, with the help of my loved ones and the dr as well..

    Your friend could be suffering with depression, which can make you feel lost in the world and needing something to focus on; which dieting gives you this buzz, this is how my ex and my other friends decribed it...

    If you want, I am happy to help her, just send me a PM or join me on face book...

    I hope that helps..

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