User Tag List

Thanks Thanks:  0
Likes Likes:  0
Results 1 to 5 of 5

Thread: The saga of the modern ark...

  1. #1
    Regular Member Green Growler's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Hertfordshire
    Problems Posted
    0
    Problems Solved
    0
    Best Answers
    0
    Good Answers
    0
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Vehicle InfoStats





    Default The saga of the modern ark...

    In the year 2008 the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in England, and said:
    'Once again, the earth has become wicked and overpopulated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans.'
    He gave Noah the CAD drawings, saying:
    'You have 6
    months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.'

    Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard, but no Ark.
    ‘Noah!' He roared, 'I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?'
    'Forgive me, Lord,' begged Noah, 'but things have changed.
    I needed Building Regulations Approval and I've been arguing
    with the Fire Brigade about the need for a sprinkler system.

    My neighbours claim that I should have obtained planning permission for building the Ark in my garden because it is development of the site, even though in my view it is a temporary structure.
    We had to then go to appeal to the Secretary of State for a decision.
    Then the Department of Transport demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
    Getting the wood was another problem. All the decent trees have Tree Preservation Orders on them and we live in a Site of Special Scientific Interest set up in order to protect the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go !
    When I started gathering the animals, the RSPCA sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.
    Then the County Council, the Environment Agency and the Rivers Authority ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.
    I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal Opportunities Commission on how many disabled carpenters I'm supposed to
    hire for my building team.
    The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only accredited workers with Ark-building experience.
    To make matters worse, Customs and Excise seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
    So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark.'
    Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.
    Noah looked up in wonder and asked, 'You mean you're not going to destroy the world?'
    'No,' said the Lord. 'Gordon Brown and the British government have beaten me to it.'




  2. #2
    Regular Member parapaul's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    127.0.0.1
    Problems Posted
    0
    Problems Solved
    0
    Best Answers
    0
    Good Answers
    0
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Vehicle InfoStats





    Default

    amen!

  3. #3
    Regular Member Leviathan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Middlesbrough, Cleveland
    Problems Posted
    0
    Problems Solved
    0
    Best Answers
    0
    Good Answers
    0
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Vehicle InfoStats





    Default

    Teeheeheee nice one lol

  4. #4
    Regular Member Ste's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    ..... Driving the Jaguar XF
    Problems Posted
    0
    Problems Solved
    0
    Best Answers
    0
    Good Answers
    0
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Vehicle InfoStats

    Vehicle : Jaguar XF 3.0D V6

    Trim : Black

    Engine : 3.0D V6

    Year : 0000

    Default

    Classic, been posted many times, but still true and about right.

  5. #5
    Ex-Staff Full Member Ian T's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Skynet HQ EMEC#5
    Problems Posted
    0
    Problems Solved
    0
    Best Answers
    0
    Good Answers
    0
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Vehicle InfoStats





    Default

    LOL, heard that before, but still good

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads

  1. And the saga continues....
    By dunkymunky in forum Vectra C / Signum Car Chat
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 4th July 2012, 18:26
  2. Another tyre saga
    By Swatty in forum Vectra C / Signum Car Chat
    Replies: 24
    Last Post: 21st June 2011, 13:03
  3. My MOT Saga.....
    By R13hard in forum Vectra C / Signum Car Chat
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 3rd July 2009, 20:51
  4. What a saga!
    By JagRigger in forum Vectra C / Signum Car Chat
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 31st March 2009, 20:23
  5. Ongoing saga
    By v6boy in forum Vectra C / Signum Car Chat
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 7th August 2006, 19:26

Visitors found this page by searching for:

Nobody landed on this page from a search engine, yet!

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •