The local Vicar explains that he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more. There is a hush within the congregation. No one wants him to leave.


Mike Smith, who owns several car dealerships in Southland and Otago, stands up and proclaims: 'If the Vicar stays, I will provide him with a new Holden every year and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their children!'


The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.


Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and publican, stands and says, If the Vicar will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary and establish a foundation to guarantee private secondary school education of his children!'


More sighs and loud applause.


Agnes Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile, 'If the Vicar stays, I will give him sex.'


There is total silence.


The Preacher, blushing, asks her: 'Mrs. Jones, whatever possessed you to say that?'


Agnes's 90-year old husband, Joe, is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking his head from side to side, while his wife replies:


'Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, '**** the Vicar'.