This was e-mailed to me the other day. I hope you like it.
One day, leaning on the bar, Jack says to Mike 'My elbow hurts like hell.
I suppose I'd better see a Doctor!' 'Listen, don't waste your time
down at the surgery,' Mike replies. 'There's a new diagnostic computer at
Tesco Pharmacy. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you
what's wrong, and what to do about it.
It takes ten seconds and only costs five quid.....a lot quicker and
better than a doctor and you get Club card points.'
So Jack collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Tesco.
He deposits five pounds and the computer lights up and asks for the
urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds
later, the computer ejects a printout. 'You have tennis elbow.
Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve
in two weeks.' That evening while thinking how amazing this new
technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled.
He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples
from his wife and daughter and the cat, and masturbated into the
mixture for good measure.
Jack hurried back to Tesco, eager to check what would happen. He deposited
five pounds, poured in his concoction, and awaited the results. The
computer printed the following:-
1) Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2) Your cat's having kittens. Get a vet.
3) Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
4) Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
5) Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
6) And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better. Thank you for shopping at Tesco