True story, from a year and a half ago, and shows how I manage to get myself in trouble by being unable to turn a blind eye to idiots on the road. please learn from my mistakes:
I was driving through Ilford, with my gf in the passenger street, along a 3 lane road, approaching a junction where the road split into two – the left lane turned 90 degrees to the left and the middle and right lanes turned 90 degrees to the right. A lot more cars were heading right, so there was a queue in the middle and right hand lanes whilst the left lane was virtually empty.
As we crawled along in the middle lane to turn right, two Scum in a Clio tried to queue-jump by charging up the left lane and cutting in to the middle lane right in front of me. I thought “I’m not having any of that so I drove around them and ended up in front of them again.
This seemed to anger the two Scum, so they swerved into the right-hand lane, overtook me and cut in front, coming to a stop with their car parked sideways in the road. Scum-Driver got out of his car and walked up to my driver’s door, pulling at the handle, but finding it locked. Then he started shouting and swearing at me, and, for some reason, repeatedly looking down at, and touching, his belt – perhaps I was supposed to get the impression that he usually had a gun tucked in there? Who knows.
Scum-Driver then looked into the car and saw my gf sitting next to me, and shouted out to Scum-Passenger “There’s only one bloke in there, let’s sort ‘im awt”. Then he started banging on the window, whilst again trying to open the door. Scum-Passenger, meanwhile, half got out of the Clio, and stood with one foot on the road and one still in the car, staring in my direction, deciding whether to join in or just watch.
As I considered my options [suddenly unlocking the door and slamming it into Scum-Driver’s legs, or winding on full left lock, putting the car in reverse and flooring the accelerator, thus hitting Scum-Driver with the wing], a silver Mercedes E55 AMG pulled up on my right. The heavily tinted front passenger-side window came down to reveal two Sikh guys (i.e. they had turbans on) in there. “Need a hand mate?” the driver shouted out to me. I mention their ethnicity because it directly influenced what happened next.
Scum-Driver turned around, clocking the two Merc occupants, and shouted at them “F*** off Pa*i, this has got nothing to do with you”.
That was Big Mistake Number One. What Scum-Driver hadn’t realised was there weren’t two people in the Merc, the two he could see – in the back, hidden by tinted windows were two more blokes. All four of them got out as one, prompting Scum-Driver to run back his Clio, and Scum-Passenger to hurriedly get back in his seat. They drove off quickly, but only went about 50 yards before they stopped, both got out, and stood next to their car, taunting the Mercedes occupants, yelling “come on then” and beckoning with their hands.
That was Big Mistake Number Two. The driver of the Merc and two of the passengers ran to the Clio. Scum-Passenger had managed to get back in his car but hadn’t managed to close the door fully before the Merc driver and one passenger had pulled it open, yanked him out onto the road and proceeded to give him a thorough kicking (literally).
Scum-Driver had fared a little better – he’d managed to close and lock his door, but the third Merc occupant was pulling at the handle with his left hand, yelling at the Scum-Driver to unlock the door, and had his right fist cocked by his shoulder, ready to smack Scum-Driver the moment he stepped out.
The fourth Merc occupant, meanwhile, hadn’t yet joined the fray and was still by the Mercedes. He calmly walked around to the back of the Merc, opened the bootlid, retrieved a sledge hammer and a large wrecking bar and started walking purposefully towards the Clio.
Up until this point, I’d been enjoying the sight of Scum-Driver and Scum-Passenger getting exactly what they deserved (how often do you see justice metered out so quickly after the offending act? Not very often), but when the sledge hammer and wrecking bar came out I decided it was time to go as this was now getting extremely serious…. J