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Thread: More Handy Tips

  1. #1
    Regular Member Doug-SRidirect's Avatar
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    Default More Handy Tips

    DRIVERS. If a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, beep your horn and wave your arms frantically. This should help the car start and send them on their way.

    PREVENT burglars stealing everything in the house by simply moving everything in the house into your bedroom when you go to bed. In the morning, simply move it all back again.
    CAR thieves Don't be discouraged when nothing is on view. All the valuables may be hidden in the glove box or under a seat.

    MOTORISTS Avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone whilst driving. Simply pop your mobile inside a large shell and the police will think you are listening to the sea.

    SHOES last twice as long if only worn every other day.

    SINGLE men Convince people that you have a girlfriend by standing outside Etam with several bags of shopping, looking at your watch and occasionally glancing inside.

    BOIL an egg to perfection without costly egg timers by popping the egg into boiling water and driving away from your home at exactly 60 mph. After 3 miles, phone your wife and tell her to take the egg out the pan.

    ALCOHOLICS don't worry where the next drink is coming from. Go to the pub, where a large selection is available at retail prices.

    McDONALD'S Make your brown carrier bags green in colour so they blend in with the countryside after they've been thrown out of car windows.

  2. #2
    Regular Member JCB's Avatar
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    Very good, again, but where do you get all of these from, and why do you have so much time on your hands?

    You didn't happen to work in one such Oil Refinery did you?

  3. #3
    Regular Member Doug-SRidirect's Avatar
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    Hi JCB,
    I cut my teeth at Conoco and Lindsey Oil in Killingholme many years ago when we lived in Barton-upon-Humber (for about 16 years). N. Lincs isn't that big so I assume that's near where you reside.
    Doug
    Last edited by Doug-SRidirect; 31st January 2006 at 16:09.

  4. #4
    Regular Member JCB's Avatar
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    Yeah, not far, 15mins, i live near scun thorpe...

  5. #5
    Regular Member Doug-SRidirect's Avatar
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    Ah Sunny Scunny.....my missus's home town!

  6. #6
    Regular Member Dave F's Avatar
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    funny Doug, but my missus gets the perfect boiled egg by asking me to make love. works every time

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    Regular Member JCB's Avatar
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