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  1. #1
    Regular Member parapaul's Avatar
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    Default Shameless...

    ...the way I've copied and pasted these from PH - but they had me laughing out loud at work, I just had to share them

    There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude
    woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred
    years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a
    single gesture, brings the two to life.

    The angel tells them, 'As a reward for being so patient through a
    hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life
    for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most.'

    He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the
    shrubbery. The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.

    The angel tells them, 'Um, you have fifteen minutes left, would you
    care to do it again?'

    He asks her 'Shall we?'

    She eagerly replies, 'Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions.
    This time, I'll hold the pigeon down and you sh*t on its head.'


    2008 Blonde Joke Of The Year

    A blonde went into a World Wide Message Centre to send a message to her mother overseas.

    When the man told her it would cost £300, she exclaimed: "I don't have any money. But I'd do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother".

    The man arched an eyebrow.

    "Hmmm...Anything?" he asked.

    "Yes, yes, anything" the blonde promised.

    "Well then, just follow me", said the man as he walked towards the next room. The blonde did as she was told and followed the man.

    "Come in and close the door" the man said.

    She did. He then said "Now get on your knees."

    She did. "Now take down my zipper".

    She did. "Now go ahead ... take it out...." he said.

    She reached in and grabbed it with both hands then paused.

    The man closed his eyes, smiled and whispered

    "Well............ go ahead".

    The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it and while holding it close to her lips, tentatively said...........

    "Hello. Mom...can you hear me?"






    Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a check-up only to find out that she's pregnant.

    She is furious... Here she is, in the middle of her first run for President... Now this has happened to her!

    She calls home, gets Bill on the phone and immediately starts screaming:

    "How could you have let this happens? With all that's going on right now, you go and get me pregnant! How could you? I can't believe this! I've just found out I'm five weeks pregnant and it's all your fault! Well... what have you got to say?"

    There is nothing but dead silence on the phone. She screams again:

    "DID YOU HEAR ME?!?!?!?!"

    Finally, she hear Bill's very, very quiet voice. In a barely audible whisper.... he says:

    "Who's speaking?"

  2. #2
    Regular Member Vec-trance's Avatar
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    Default

    LOL Love the Clinton one...

  3. #3
    Regular Member Dodger's Avatar
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    Default

    Like 'em all

  4. #4
    Regular Member Wolf's Avatar
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    Default

    Good ones m8

  5. #5
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    On a parr with these jokes...

    How do you get a fat bird into bed ???

















    Piece of cake.

  6. #6
    Full Member neverlandandy's Avatar
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    Default

    closely followed by me

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