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Thread: One for Us Scots

  1. #1
    Regular Member mark1319's Avatar
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    Talking One for Us Scots

    Some of you might have read this before. Got it from a napkin of my uncles when he died and recently found it after misplacing it. This one is slightly different and shorter, but saves me re-typing it and gets the point across

    WHA'S LIKE US
    DAMN FEW AND THEY'RE A'DEID


    An Englishmen enjoys his breakfast of toast and MARMALADE invented by Mrs. Keiller of Dundee, Scotland- reaches for his RAINCOAT patented by Charles MacIntosh of Glasgow, Scotaland, to dash of to the station on his BICYCLE invented by Kirpatrick MacMillian blacksmith of Dumfries, Scotland, whose TYRES invented by John Boyd Dunlop of Dreghorn, Scotland run on a TARMAC ROAD invented by John MacAdam of Ayr, Scotland. The Journey by train whose STEAM ENGINE was invented by James Watt of Greenock, Scotland takes him to work at the BANK OF ENGLAND founded by William Patterson of Dumfries, Scotland. While opening his mail whose ADHESIVE STAMPS were invented by James Chalmers of Dundee, Scotland he puffs on a CIGARETTE first manufactured by Robert Gloag of Perth, Scotland.
    He later rings his wife on the TELEPHONE invented by Alexander Graham Bell of Edinburgh, Scotland. She tells him that dinner will be his favorite, ROAST BEEF - Aberdeen Angus, raised in Aberdeenshire, Scotland.
    He arrives home to find his daughter watching TELEVISION invented by John Logie Baird of Helensburgh, Scotland, a programme on the US NAVY founded by John Paul Jones of Kirkbean, Scotland and his son reading TREASURE ISLAND written by Robert Louis Stevenson of Endinburgh, Scotland and on lifting THE BIBLE he finds that the first named mentioned is a Scot - King James VI who authorized its translation.
    The Englishman is unable to turn from the ingenuity of the Scots. He could turn to WHISKY but Scotland supplies the best or to end it all he could put his head in a gas ove - COAL GAS discovered by William Murdoch of Ayr, Scotland. He could shoot himself with his BREACH LOADING RIFLE invented by Captain Pat Ferguson of Pitfours, Scotland. If unsuccesful he could be injected with PENICILIN discovered by Alexander Flemming of Darvel, Scotland or given an ANAESTHETIC invented by Sir James Young Simpson of Bathgate, Scotland.
    His last hope is a transfusion of Scots blood so he could ask:

    WHA'S LIKE US
    DAMN FEW AND THEY'RE A'DEID

  2. #2
    [Ex]Admin Duncan's Avatar
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    Regular Member redbullkid's Avatar
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    Nice ............

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    Full Member neverlandandy's Avatar
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    well done mate never a trure word typed

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    Hate to ruin it but apparently the telephone may have been invented by and american - yes an american.

    Can't remember the guys name but it all started apparently when the man's wife was ill and housebound - she could not even move through the house easily. But she often needed attention. This guy learn't that wire with a current flowing through it basically allowed him to hear what was going on in another room.

    Sorry,

    Gazza4

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    Regular Member mark1319's Avatar
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    Where's admin when you need them???

    Get Gazza's post deleted and ban him for such propostrous(Spell??) claims LOL

    Rings a bell with me Gazza. Don't know if it was something on Discovery channel or what, but definitely remember an argument about who invented the telephone. Although if the patent is with AGB the invention is his ATEOTD

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    Quote Originally Posted by mark1319 View Post
    Where's admin when you need them???

    Get Gazza's post deleted and ban him for such propostrous(Spell??) claims LOL

    Rings a bell with me Gazza. Don't know if it was something on Discovery channel or what, but definitely remember an argument about who invented the telephone. Although if the patent is with AGB the invention is his ATEOTD
    Jeremy Clarkson? yes the Vauxhall hater ruins it for us. Sorry dont get me banned i'm a nice person really!!

    Gazza4

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