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Thread: received email Lincolnshire Earthquake appeal

  1. #1
    Regular Member fields's Avatar
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    Default received email Lincolnshire Earthquake appeal

    Lincolnshire Earthquake Appeal
    And before I get any hate mail over this, just remember I'm from that county myself.

    LINCOLNSHIRE EARTHQUAKE APPEAL PLEASE GIVE GENEROUSLY

    A major earthquake measuring 5.3 on the Richter scale hit Lincolnshire in the early hours today .Its epicentre was in the Market Rasen area. Victims were seen meandering around aimlessly, muttering "Faaackinell".

    The earthquake decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of historic tractors were damaged beyond repair and all three of the County's compoooooters went down.

    Three areas of historic scare crows were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their press gang Transit mini buses arrived.

    Lincs FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Lincolnshire.

    One strange effect of the earthquake was to startle thousands of toads into action - but most residents returned to their homes within minutes

    One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes come running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was skinning up and watching Jeremey Kyle later in the morning."

    Another resident said, 'I was in bed with my five daughters and their Grandmother, as usual, and on feeling the vibrations I nudged my mum in the back and said 'Has that disturbed the ducks, Duck?'

    Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal. The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals.

    Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.

    HOW CAN YOU HELP?

    This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster.

    Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include:
    Fila or Burberry baseball caps
    Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)
    Shell suits (female)
    White sport socks
    Wellington Boots & Barbour jackets
    Rockport boots and any other items usually sold in Primark.
    Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.

    Required foodstuffs include:
    Microwave meals, Tins of baked beans, Ice cream, Cans of Colt 45 or
    Special Brew.
    22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms and their giros.
    £2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9.
    £5 buys B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

    Breaking news***
    Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry alco-pop. 'Where are you bleeding from?' they asked, "Scunthorpe" said the girl, wossit gotta do wiv you?" (And who put the ---- in Scunthorpe anyway?)

    Please don't forward this to anyone living in Spalding/Boston area - oh, sod it... they won't be able to read it anyway
    __________________
    Best Wishes
    Simon (aka Dark Angel)
    "Dark Angel's Realm of Horror" -http://www.realmofhorror.co.uk

    Blasphemy is a victimless crime!

  2. #2
    Regular Member whisky kid's Avatar
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    very good put me down for £2.00 and a pair of {nearly} white sports socks

  3. #3
    Regular Member Ste's Avatar
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    Vehicle : Jaguar XF 3.0D V6

    Trim : Black

    Engine : 3.0D V6

    Year : 0000

    Default

    This is a (bad) rehash of loads of other 'disaster' emails.

    It is particularly inaccurate for Lincolnshire anyway.

  4. #4
    Regular Member fields's Avatar
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    Sorry didn't realise comedy & humour had to be acccurate.

  5. #5
    Regular Member Ste's Avatar
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    Vehicle : Jaguar XF 3.0D V6

    Trim : Black

    Engine : 3.0D V6

    Year : 0000

    Default

    Observational, but not necessarily accurate. This is neither really. I would have been funny if it was more related to the people it was trying to satire.

  6. #6
    Regular Member JCB's Avatar
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    Scunthorpe - who'd want to be from there anyway?! (Careful!)

  7. #7
    spoons
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ste View Post
    Observational, but not necessarily accurate. This is neither really. I would have been funny if it was more related to the people it was trying to satire.
    @ Ste..

    Could you rewrite this so its more accurate please.... it could be educational

  8. #8
    Regular Member Ste's Avatar
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    Vehicle : Jaguar XF 3.0D V6

    Trim : Black

    Engine : 3.0D V6

    Year : 0000

    Default

    At least someone is laughing in this thread !

  9. #9
    Regular Member Jim Bob's Avatar
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    I've seen the 'scouse' version of that email....

    Made us Widnesnesians laugh a little...

  10. #10
    Regular Member tonydee's Avatar
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    I chuckled

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