THE ANT & THE GRASSHOPPER
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CLASSIC VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a
fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
THE END
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THE ENGLISH VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a
fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. So far, so good, eh?
The shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less
fortunate, like him, are cold and starving.
The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper,
with cuts to a video of the ant in his comfortable warm home with a table
laden with food.
The Brits are stunned that in a country of such wealth, this poor
grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty.
The NDP, the CAW and the Coalition Against Poverty demonstrate in front of
the ant's house. The BBC, interrupting an Welsh cultural festival special
from Carmarthen with breaking news, broadcasts them singing "We Shall
Overcome."
Moira Stuart rants in an interview with David Dimberley that the ant has
gotten rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax
hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share".
In response to polls, the Labour Government drafts the Economic Equity and
Grasshopper Anti-Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the
summer.
The ant's taxes are reassessed, and he is also fined for failing to hire
grasshoppers as helpers.
Without enough money to pay both the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.
The ant moves to France, and starts a successful agribiz company.
The BBC later shows the now fat grasshopper finishing up the last of the
ant's food, though Spring is still months away, while the government house
he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him
because he hasn't bothered to maintain it.
Inadequate government funding is blamed, Ken Livingstone is appointed to
head a commission of enquiry that will cost £10,000,000.
The grasshopper is soon dead of a drug overdose, the Sun and The Times
blames it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes
of despair arising from social inequity.
The abandoned house is taken over by a gang of immigrant spiders, praised
by the government for enriching England's multicultural diversity, who
promptly set up a marijuana grow op and terrorize the community.
THE END
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