User Tag List

Thanks Thanks:  0
Likes Likes:  0
Results 1 to 8 of 8

Thread: Genuine Complaint!!!!

  1. #1
    Regular Member mushy2007's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Liverpool
    Problems Posted
    0
    Problems Solved
    0
    Best Answers
    0
    Good Answers
    0
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Vehicle InfoStats





    Talking Genuine Complaint!!!!

    This is a genuine complaint to Devon & Cornwall Police Force from an angry member of the public
    ______________________________________________

    True email sent to the force, lengthy but brilliantly written, read to the end.....
    ---------------------------------------------------------------
    Dear Sir/madam/automated telephone answering service,

    Having spent the past twenty minutes waiting for someone at Bodmin police station to pick up a telephone I have decided to abandon the idea and try e-mailing you instead.

    Perhaps you would be so kind as to pass this message on to your colleagues in Bodmin, by means of smoke signal, carrier pigeon or Ouija board.
    As I'm writing this e-mail there are eleven failed medical experiments (I think you call them youths) in St Marys Crescent, which is just off St Marys Road in Bodmin.


    Six of them seem happy enough to play a game which involves kicking a football against an iron gate with the force of a meteorite.

    This causes an earth shattering CLANG! which rings throughout the entire building.

    This game is now in its third week and as I am unsure how the scoring system works, I have no idea if it will end any time soon.
    The remaining five walking abortions are happily rummaging through several bags of rubbish and items of furniture that someone has so thoughtfully dumped beside the wheelie bins.


    One of them has found a saw and is setting about a discarded chair like a beaver on speed.

    I fear that it's only a matter of time before they turn their limited attention to the bottle of calor gas that is lying on its side between the two bins.

    If they could be relied on to only blow their own arms and legs off then I would happily leave them to it.

    I would even go so far as to lend them the matches.

    Unfortunately they are far more likely to blow up half the street with them and I've just finished decorating the kitchen.
    What I suggest is this - after replying to this e-mail with worthless assurances that the matter is being looked into and will be dealt with, why not leave it until the one night of the year (probably bath night) when there are no mutants around then drive up the street in a panda car before doing a three point turn and disappearing again.

    This will of course serve no other purpose than to remind us what policemen actually look like.

    I trust that when I take a claw hammer to the skull of one of these throwbacks you'll do me the same courtesy of giving me a four month head start before coming to arrest me.

    I remain sir, your obedient servant
    ???????
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------
    Mr ??????,
    I have read your e-mail and understand you frustration at the problems caused by youth playing in the area and the problems you have encountered in trying to contact the police.
    As the Community Beat Officer for your street I would like to extend an offer of discussing the matter fully with you.
    Should you wish to discuss the matter, please provide contact details (address / telephone number) and when may be suitable.
    Regards

    PC ?
    Community Beat Officer

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------

    Dear PC ?
    First of all I would like to thank you for the speedy response to my original e-mail.


    16 hours and 38 minutes must be a personal record for Bodmin Police station, and rest assured that I will forward these details to Norris McWhirter for inclusion in his next book.
    Secondly I was delighted to hear that our street has its own community beat officer.


    May I be the first to congratulate you on your covert skills?

    In the five or so years I have lived in St Marys Crescent, I have never seen you.

    Do you hide up a tree or have you gone deep undercover and infiltrated the gang itself?

    Are you the one with the acne and the moustache on his forehead or the one with a chin like a wash hand basin?

    It's surely only a matter of time before you are headhunted by MI5.
    Whilst I realise that there may be far more serious crimes taking place in Bodmin, such as smoking in a public place or being Muslim without due care and attention, is it too much to ask for a policeman to explain (using words of no more than two syllables at a time) to these ***** that they might want to play their strange football game elsewhere.


    The pitch on Fairpark Road, or the one at Priory Park are both within spitting distance as is the bottom of the Par Dock.

    Should you wish to discuss these matters further you should feel free to contact me on <DATE> If after 25 minutes I have still failed to answer, I'll buy you a large one in the Cat and Fiddle Pub.

    Regards
    ?

    P.S If you think that this is sarcasm, think yourself lucky that you don't work for the cleansing department, with who I am also in contact!!


    Regards

  2. #2
    Regular Member KC's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    West Lothian
    Problems Posted
    0
    Problems Solved
    0
    Best Answers
    0
    Good Answers
    0
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Vehicle InfoStats





    Default

    This has been doing the rounds obver the last year or so. I heard it was a letter sent to an Edinburgh station. Shows how these things grow arms and legs!

  3. #3
    Regular Member Karl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Sunderland
    Problems Posted
    0
    Problems Solved
    0
    Best Answers
    0
    Good Answers
    0
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Vehicle InfoStats





    Default

    superb. I know how he feels.

  4. #4
    Regular Member mushy2007's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Liverpool
    Problems Posted
    0
    Problems Solved
    0
    Best Answers
    0
    Good Answers
    0
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Vehicle InfoStats





    Default

    Makes you laugh though. Just got it today on e-mail.

  5. #5
    Regular Member ccsnet's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    The local dealers if driving my old Vectra
    Problems Posted
    0
    Problems Solved
    0
    Best Answers
    0
    Good Answers
    0
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Vehicle InfoStats





    Default

    So so true.... I've been dealing with them over issues in our street ( long story ).... one time I even rang and I'm still wait to see some one turn up... that was month ago.

    The best one was when I rang the main station and they said they could not deal with it as it to be the PCSO.... who would not exist for another few weeks....

    I have a meeting with them face to face along with half my street seeing as my local counciler is not bothered.... but that again is another story for another day.

    Terran

  6. #6
    Regular Member beat275's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Newcastle West Denton
    Problems Posted
    0
    Problems Solved
    0
    Best Answers
    0
    Good Answers
    0
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Vehicle InfoStats

    Vehicle : Hatch

    Trim : SRI

    Engine : 2.0T

    Year : 2003

    Mileage : 90000

    Default

    bump

  7. #7
    Administrator Big-Pete's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Home or in the Gym
    Problems Posted
    1
    Problems Solved
    0
    Best Answers
    0
    Good Answers
    1
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    96 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Vehicle InfoStats

    Vehicle : Audi Q7

    Trim : S-Line Plus 245

    Engine : 3.0 TDV6

    Year : 2013

    Mileage : 3023

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by beat275 View Post
    bump
    What for, this thread was started by Mark over 4 years ago..

  8. #8
    Regular Member paddyvectra's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Carterton, but.....I walk a lonely road the only road i have ever known
    Problems Posted
    0
    Problems Solved
    0
    Best Answers
    0
    Good Answers
    0
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Vehicle InfoStats





    Default

    lmao

    There does seem to be alot of ressurections happening now days lol

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads

  1. Genuine Complaint to Edinburgh Police
    By Taffyopel in forum Comedy & Humour
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 29th February 2008, 09:25
  2. Complaint
    By T4M in forum Vectra C / Signum Car Chat
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 2nd October 2007, 10:14

Visitors found this page by searching for:

Nobody landed on this page from a search engine, yet!

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •