Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
10 years and 45 lbs
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
'Are you sure it's mine?'
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a blonde baby?
They named him 'Sum Ting Wong'
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment
How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What's the difference between a north Americanfairytale and a south American fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins 'Once upon a time ...' -A southern fairytale begins
'Y'all ain't gonna believe this s**t....