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Thread: Have a Chav'in Crimbo!

  1. #1
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    Default Have a Chav'in Crimbo!

    A Chav Christmas


    There's this bird called Mary, yeah? She's a virgin (wossat then?)

    She's not married or nuffink, but she's got this boyfriend, Joe, innit?
    He does joinery an' that. Mary lives with him in a crib dahn Nazaref.

    One day Mary meets this bloke Gabriel. She's like "Oo ya lookin' at?"

    Gabriel just goes "You've got one up the duff, you have."

    Mary's totally gobsmacked.

    She gives it to him large "Stop dissin' me yeah? I ain't no
    Kappa-slapper. I never bin wiv no one!"

    So Mary goes and sees her cousin Liz, who's six months gone herself. Liz
    is largin' it. She's filled with spirits, Bacardi Breezers an' that.

    She's like "Orright, Mary, I can feel me bay-bee in me tummy and I
    reckon I'm well blessed. Think of all the extra benifits an' that we are
    gonna get." Mary goes "Yeah, s'pose you're right."

    Mary an' Joe ain't got no money so they have to ponse a donkey, an' go
    dahn Bethlehem on that.

    They get to this pub an' Mary wants to stop, yeah? To have her bay-bee
    an' that.

    But there ain't no room at the inn, innit? So Mary an' Joe break an'
    enter into this garridge, only it's filled wiv animals. Cahs an' sheep
    an' that.

    Then these three geezers turn up, lookin' proper bling, wiv crowns on
    there heads. They're like "Respect, bay-bee Jesus", an' say they're wise
    men from the East End.

    Joe goes: "If you're so wise, wotchoo doin' wiv this Frankenstein an'
    myrrh?

    Why dincha just bring gold, Adidas and Burberry?" It's all about to kick
    off when Gabriel turns up again an' sez he's got another message from
    this Lord geezer.

    He's like "The police is comin' an' they're killin' all the bay-bees. You
    better nash off to Egypt." Joe goes "You must be monged it you think I'm
    goin' dahn Egypt on a minging donkey!"

    Gabriel sez "Suit yerself, pal. But it's your look out if you stay." So
    they go dahn Egypt 'till they've stopped killin' the first-born an' it's
    safe an' that.

    Then Joe, Mary and Jesus go back to Nazaref, an' Jesus turns water
    into Stella.

  2. #2
    Regular Member ditchp's Avatar
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    quality man, pure quality, i can just picture it too
    Midlands Mod Shop - NFFC.

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