User Tag List

Thanks Thanks:  0
Likes Likes:  0
Results 1 to 2 of 2

Thread: Tommy Cooper Specials

  1. #1
    On a Sabbatical
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Failsworth, Manchester
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    StatsVehicle Info
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default Tommy Cooper Specials

    Two Aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married. The ceremony was rubbish, but the Reception was brilliant.

    Man goes to the doc, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says,"I'll give you some cream to put on it."

    "Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home." "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. " "Is it common? "
    "It's not unusual."

    A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.
    My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? "
    "Well," saysvet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have put him down."
    "What? Because he's cross-eyed? "
    "No, because he's really heavy"

    Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's."
    "Well you can't say fairer than that then"

    Two elephants walk off a cliff...... boom boom!

    So I went to the dentist.
    He said "Say Aaah."
    I said "Why?"
    He said "My dog's died.'"

    So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'"

    So I rang up my local swimming baths.
    I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?'
    He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'"

    "So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

    1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

    So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again. He rang up third time and said You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I said 'I careered off the road.

    Now, most dentists' chairs go up and down, don't they?
    The one I was in went back and forwards.
    I thought 'This is unusual'.
    And the dentist said to me Mr. Cooper, get out of the filing cabinet.'

    So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?
    I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'

    Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other
    "Does this taste funny to you?"

    Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

    You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. The left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'
    So that was nice."

    A man walked into the doctors,
    The doctor said " I haven't seen you in a long time "
    The man replied "I know I've been ill"

    A man walked into the doctors, he said
    "I've hurt my arm in several places"
    The doctor said "well don't go to those places"

    I had a ploughman's lunch the other day.
    He wasn't very happy.

    I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

    I bought some HP sauce the other day.
    It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years.

    Two blondes walk into a building.......... you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.

    Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buy marijuana.............press the hash key..."

    I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

    My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli.
    A strong currant pulled him in.

    A man came round in hospital after a serious accident.
    He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
    The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".

    I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.

    Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft,it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

    Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

    Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round. " The other ones ays "So are you, you fat slob!"

  2. #2
    Ex Vec-C Admin Stevel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Chester
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    StatsVehicle Info
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default



    Loved Tommy Cooper. We were watching him on TV the night he died. At the time we thought it was part of the act.

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads

  1. Classic tommy cooper
    By bobssignum in forum Comedy & Humour
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 3rd July 2011, 18:10
  2. Vauxhall Summer Specials !!
    By squigles in forum General Chat
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 4th July 2009, 17:34
  3. Lidl thursday specials
    By ronnie63 in forum Styling
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 5th April 2009, 12:49
  4. Tommy Cooper Jokes
    By Johnsdutton in forum Comedy & Humour
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 2nd June 2008, 18:54

Visitors found this page by searching for:

Nobody landed on this page from a search engine, yet!

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •