Quiz show idiots....
DANNY KELLY SHOW (RADIO WM)

Kelly: Which French Mediterranean town hosts a famous film festival every year?
Contestant: I don't know, I need a clue.
Kelly: OK. What do beans come in?
Contestant: Cartons?


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QUIZMANIA (ITV)

Greg Scott: We're looking for an occupation beginning with 'T'.
Contestant: Doctor.
Scott: No, it's 'T'. 'T' for Tommy. 'T' for Tango.
Contestant: Oh, right . . . (pause) . . . Doctor.

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BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)

Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is?
Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point.
Theakston: There's a clue in the title.
Contestant: Leicester .

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BBC NORFOLK

Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: I don't know.
White: I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?
Contestant: Arm.
White: Correct. And if you're not weak, you're . . .?
Contestant: Strong.
White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?
Contestant: Louis.
White: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: Frank Sinatra?

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LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS)

Alex Trelinski: What is the capital of Italy ?
Contestant: France .
Trelinski: France is another country. Try again.
Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm.
Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which
country is the Parthenon?
Contestant: Sorry, I don't know.
Trelinski: Just guess a country then.
Contestant: Paris .

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UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)

Jeremy Paxman: What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and 'cheesemongers'?
Contestant: Homosexuals.
Paxman: No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you.

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THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)

Anne Robinson: Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: prison, or the Conservative Party?
Contestant: The Conservative Party.


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BEACON RADIO ( WOLVERHAMPTON )

DJ Mark: For 10 Pounds, what is the nationality of the Pope?
Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?

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THE WEAKEST LINK

Anne Robinson: In traffic, what 'J' is where two roads meet?
Contestant: Jool carriageway?

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UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE

Bamber Gascoigne: What was Gandhi's first name?
Contestant: Goosey?

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GWR FM ( Bristol )

Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?
Contestant: I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.

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RTE RADIO 2FM ( IRELAND )

Presenter: What is the name of the long- running TV comedy show about pensioners: Last Of The ...?
Caller: Mohicans.


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QUIZMANIA

Greg Scott: We're looking for a word that goes in front of 'clock'.
Contestant: Grandfather.
Scott: Grandfather clock is already up there, say something else.
Contestant: Panda.

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PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO MANCHESTER)

Phil: What's 11 squared?
Contestant: I don't know.
Phil: I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle.
Contestant: Is it five?

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RICHARD AND JUDY

Leslie: On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?
Contestant: Er . . .
Leslie: He makes bread .. ..
Contestant: Er . .. .
Leslie: He makes cakes .. .
Contestant: Kipling Street ?

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MAGIC 52 ( NORTHEAST ENGLAND )

Presenter: In what year was President Kennedy assassinated?
Contestant: Erm .. .
Presenter: Well, let's put it this way - he didn't see 1964.
Contestant: 1965?

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SIMPLY THE BEST (ITV)

Phil Tufnell: How many Olympic Games have been held?
Contestant: Six.
Tufnell: Higher!
Contestant: Five.

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FORTBOYARD(CHALLENGE TV)

Jodie Marsh: Arrange these two groups of letters to form a word – CHED and PIT.
Team: Chedpit.

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THE MICK GIRDLER SHOW (BBC RADIO SOLENT)

Girdler: I'm looking for an island in the Atlantic whose name includes the letter 'e'.
Contestant: Ghana .
Girdler: No, listen. It's an island in the Atlantic Ocean .
Contestant: New Zealand .

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NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)

Question: What is the world's largest continent?
Contestant: The Pacific

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ROCK FM ( PRESTON )

Presenter: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo Da Vinci.
Contestant: Who Framed Roger Rabbit?


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THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV)

Steve Le Fevre: What was signed to bring World War I to an end in 1918?
Contestant: Magna Carta.

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NATIONAL LOTTERY

Eamonn Holmes: There are three states of matter: solid, liquid and what?
Contestant: Jelly.

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RICHARD ALLINSON SHOW (RADIO 2)

Allinson: What international brand shares its name with the Greek goddess of victory?
Contestant (after long deliberation): Erm, Kellogg's?

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BLIND DATE (ITV)

Girl: Name a book written by Jane Austen.
Boy: Charlotte Bronte.


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CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL)

Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna ?
Caller: Japan .
Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again.
Caller: Er . . . Mexico ?

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NATIONAL LOTTERY

Eamonn Holmes: Dizzy Gillespie is famous for playing . .. what?
Contestant: Basketball.

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NOTTS AND CROSSES QUIZ

Jeff Owen: Where did the D-Day landings take place?
Contestant (after pause): Pearl Harbor ?

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DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)

Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?
Contestant: Holland ?
Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
Contestant: Iceland ? Ireland ?
Denham (helpfully): It's a bad line. Did you say Israel ?
Contestant: No.

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PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)

Wood: What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant: Er . . .
Wood: It's got two syllables . .. . Kor .. . .
Contestant: Blimey?
Wood: Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . . .
Contestant: (Silence)
Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . .
Contestant: Walked?

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THE VAULT

Melanie Sykes: What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time?
Contestant: Nostalgia.


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LUNCHTIME SHOW (BRMB)

Presenter: What religion was Guy Fawkes?
Contestant: Jewish.
Presenter: That's close enough.


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BREAKFAST SHOW, RADIO 1

Chris Moyles: Which 'S' is a kind of whale that can grow up to 80 tonnes?
Contestant: Ummm .. .
Moyles: It begins with 'S' and rhymes with 'perm'.
Contestant: Shark.

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STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO 2)

Wright: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loincloth did he play?
Contestant: Jesus.
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Family fortunes : Les Dennis : Name a bird with long legs ?
Contestant : Niomi Campbell