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Thread: You couldn't make it up

  1. #1
    Regular Member MLC's Avatar
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    Default You couldn't make it up

    I've stolen this from a Police Blog (http://inspectorgadget.wordpress.com) site to give you an idea of the mess Policing is in, (although nu-labour think it's great)!

    Late evening in peacefull, sleepy Ruraltown.

    A drunken 17 year old Irish traveller, Darren O’Brien, throws a brick through a shop window in the High Street. Darren has numerous previous convictions for similar offences. The whole event is witnessed by several commuters and recorded on the excellent town CCTV system. He then sits down on the pavement outside the shop and waits for the police to come and arrest him.

    He won’t run away because he knows nothing is going to come of it in Court.

    When a patrol arrives, the first thing he does is admit the whole thing with a grin on his face, saying that he did it because “Kylie works there innit” she being his ‘partner’. He is arrested on suspicion of Criminal Damage, taken to Ruraltown police station, booked in to the custody area and interviewed about the offence the next morning, when sober.

    We won’t go into the details of his being sick on the pavement and fighting the police officers and shouting foul abuse at anyone passing during his arrest.

    This crime took about the same amount of time to commit as you have just taken to read about it.

    A relatively simple job you might think. Oh no. Not in the crazy world of British policing.

    Here is a list of the paperwork required from the patrol who were unlucky enough to arrive at the scene and arrest Darren.

    paperwork

    A full handwritten Pocket Notebook entry detailing the incident, the grounds for his arrest and anything he said about the incident.

    A typed arrest statement with exactly the same information, only in more detail.

    A typed form requesting the release of CCTV tapes.

    A handwritten custody ’search and booking-in’ form.

    A property sheet in custody, listing the contents of his pockets.

    A typed Persistent Offender form, containing the same information as the arrest statement, but in a format which prevents ‘cut and paste’.

    A typed Young Offender form, containing the same information as above, but in yet another format.

    A typed or verbal ‘update’ for the computer log held by the Control Room, containing guess what? the same information as all of the above.

    A typed Crime Report, with the same information as in the notebook, arrest statement and young offender form, but with the details in different fields which cannot be cut and pasted.

    At least two MG forms for the case file, summarising all of the above.

    Witness statements from at least two of the commuters who saw the whole thing.

    A witness statement from the shop saying that Darren didn’t have permission to smash their window.

    An ‘intelligence report’ saying that Darren has smashed a window in the High Street, with some other details we can’t discuss here.

    A typed Domestic Violence form (because Kylie was mentioned by Darren as a reason for the offence) with all of the same information again, and a complete risk assessment for Kylie, even though she wasn’t there at the time.

    The paperwork for fingerprinting and DNA will run into at least four pages. The Custody Record will be at least ten pages, though not completed by the patrol.

    If the brick and any glass from the window was seized as evidence, there will be the forms and statements for that.

    A typed ‘update’ on the ‘Night-time Economy Incident’ diary sheets. “Night-time Economy” is the hideous New Labour, Orwellian term for the chaos caused by the new licensing laws.

    A three page Community Impact Assessment briefing form for the Inspector (because Darren is a traveller). I can then fill out a six page, larger version.


    A handwritten two page form for the Licensing Officer about where he might have purchased the alcohol, again with all the details of the offence.


    You may think that this is insane for such a simple job. You would be correct. This isn’t the Guildford pub bombings. Darren has admitted it already because he doesn’t really care about the consequences because he knows there aren’t any.


    Can you imagine what happens when there are two offenders, or if it’s slightly more complicated than the incident described? If drugs are found in his pockets (which they usually are) Darren gets arrested for that too, and the whole process nearly doubles in size.

    Half of the forms are for the CPS and the remainder are ‘data mining’ forms to satisfy various national or local initiatives (Youth Offending, Alcohol Related Violence, Domestic Violence etc etc).

    If any of those forms have a single mistake, they will be sent back to the officers themselves to re-do, even if it’s a date or postcode which could be corrected by the admin clerkwho discoverd it.

    You couldn’t make it up.


  2. #2
    Regular Member shan's Avatar
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    Default

    I think if they give each cop 2 secretary's they can do all the paper work from the cop's notebook and then the cops can be back out on the street catching real thief's, murderers etc etc.
    All down to our stupid goverment. What a waste of the cops time.

  3. #3
    spoons
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    Default

    No problem... what you moaning at........

    Just throw a sicky like the rest of the UK Workforce

    There are only so many bricks that he can throw before he runs out of windows... let the chap carry on, release his frustration... then send him on holiday to hawaii for a couple of years.

  4. #4
    Regular Member R-man's Avatar
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    Default

    That website is very good reading Paul.

  5. #5
    Regular Member G.O'Rilla's Avatar
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    Astonishing!!

  6. #6
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    Absolutely ridiculous. There's far too much bull**** there for one little scroat.

  7. #7
    On a Sabbatical VauxVeteran's Avatar
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    Default

    I could have taken him around the corner and reformed his character and got the money for the window in about the same time as it took to read that lot Paul, well maybe a little longer, the money issue would have had to wait until he came out of the coma.

    Full sympathy to you mate.

    Liberal way = Loads of paper and nothing really done

    Right Wing way = People not committing crime due to the fact you may well get your head caved in if the wrong person sees you do it.

    Mate of mine did 4 yrs for manslaughter, got into it with a bloke who he caught stealing coats from the pub, ok it went too far and someone died, but had this "media reported victim" kept his hands off other ppls property he'd still be alive and my mate wouldn't have the mark against him now.

  8. #8
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    Just out of curiosity, how many coppers actually 'pull sickies'?

    Happens in my job everyday, but that's totally different

  9. #9
    Regular Member Ben H's Avatar
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    To be honest I couldn't even be bothered to read all that let alone remember what needs to be done and even bother with doing it.
    That's just stupid. I'll stick to my day job.

  10. #10
    Regular Member parapaul's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by T4M_VX View Post
    Just out of curiosity, how many coppers actually 'pull sickies'?

    Happens in my job everyday, but that's totally different
    You don't want to know how many ambulance staff go sick every day....even if you discount the idiots who don't come in becasue they feel "a bit eeuugh" or they had too much last night, there's still loads of sickly gits.

    Bear in mind though, that officially, we should NOT go to work with any signs of a cough, cold, sneeze, sniffle or icky tummy - good heavens, we might pass it on to the genuine, needy, seriously ill people.....that we never see!

    Personally, I had a stinking viral infection last winter, lasted about 6 weeks and I coughed so hard I brought up blood. Made me laugh when the majority of the idiots I see every day were not as ill as me!
    Last edited by parapaul; 19th October 2007 at 18:05.

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