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Thread: Complaint Letter Of The Year

  1. #1
    Regular Member mushy2007's Avatar
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    Talking Complaint Letter Of The Year

    Complaint Letter of the Year!
    Below is a copy of a letter that won a competition in UK as complaint
    letter of the year...have a laugh and read on.


    Complaint Letter of the Year. The British do have a way with words....
    A real-life customer complaint letter sent to NTL (to their complaints dept....)

    Dear Cretins,


    I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone. During this three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity of monolithic proportions. Please allow me to provide specific details,so that you can either pursue your professional perogative, and seek to rectify these difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you can have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working
    day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office:


    My initial installation was cancelled without warning, resulting in my spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat **** waiting for your technician to arrive. When he did not arrive, I spent a further 57 minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful website....HOW? I alleviated the boredom by playing with my testicles for a few minutes - an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly adept.

    The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later, although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools - such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum. Two weeks later, my cable modem had still not arrived. After 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks my modem arrived... six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it.

    I estimate your internet server's downtime is roughly 35%... hours between about 6pm -midnight, Mon-Fri, and most of the weekend. I am still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 calls on my mobile to your no-help line, and have been unhelpfully transferred to a variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly skilled bollock jugglers. I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone will call me back); that no telephone line is available (and someone
    will call me back); that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off); that I will be transferred to someone (and then been redirected to an answer machine informing me that your office is closed); that I will be transferred to someone and then been redirected to the irritating Scottish robot woman...and several other variations on this theme.

    Doubtless you are no longer reading this letter, as you have at least a thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to. Frankly I don't care, it's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustration's in print than to shout them at your unending hold music. Forgive me, therefore, if I continue. I thought BT were ****, that they had attained the holy ****-pot of godawful customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and because, well, there
    isn't anyone else is there? How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless shower of *******s you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum incompetents of the highest order.

    British Telecom - ******s though they are - shine like brilliant beacons of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless inadequacy. Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to deliver - any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and disbelief quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps bemused rage. I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cats litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for both you and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not become desiccated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at the time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and its worthless employees.


    Have a nice day - may it be the last in you miserable short life, you irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of tw**s.


    John

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    LOL can't believe the person stayed 'calm' all the way to the end of it!

  3. #3
    [Ex]Admin Duncan's Avatar
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    lol - been a while since I've seen that one, still makes me laugh though!! The bit that made me howl was.......
    .....and the even more annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful website....HOW?
    It hadn't quite sunk in to her that he didn't have any internet access as they'd cut him off for no reason!!

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    Classic !

  5. #5
    Regular Member CDTi Mike's Avatar
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    Amazing.

    Now why didn't I write a letter like that when I was having problems with Telewest???

  6. #6
    Regular Member al21784's Avatar
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    I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cats litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for both you and your pointless company.

  7. #7
    Regular Member mark1319's Avatar
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    Absolute quality FPMSL all the way threw it

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    cheered me up no end !!! he he

  9. #9
    On a Sabbatical VauxVeteran's Avatar
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    I had all of that with them during the two weeks I was unfortunate to have joined them, no modem, no cancellation of non existant engineers, they came sharpish to fit the phone line, I asked where the modem was...dunno nuffin bout a modum mate, was the reply, eventually someone at NTL's end had a moment of enlightenment and decided to fess up... errr ahh err umm well the problem is sir is we have 25 modems arriving next week and 50000 ppl waiting for one, would you like to cancel your order with us? too right and that's what I did.

  10. #10
    Regular Member j13hdb's Avatar
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    Is he still with NTL do you think?????????!!!!!!!

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