Stretched Armed forces?

[Brocks]

'Thank you for calling the British Army.
I'm sorry, but all of our units are out at the moment, or are otherwise
engaged. Please leave a message with your country, name of organisation,
the region, the specific crisis, and a number at which we can call you. As
soon as we have sorted out the Balkans, Iraq, Northern Ireland, the
Millennium Bug, marching up and down bits of tarmac in London and
compulsory Equal Opportunities training, we will return your call.'

'Please speak after the tone, or if you require more options, please listen
to the following numbers:'

'If your crisis is small, and close to the sea, press 1 for the
Royal Marines.'

'If your concern is distant, with a tropical climate and good hotels, and
can be solved by 1 or 2 low risk bombing runs, please press 'Hash' for the
Royal Air Force. Please note this service is not available after 1630 hrs,
or at weekends.'

'If your enquiry concerns a situation which can be resolved by a bit of
grey funnel, bunting, flags and a really good marching band, please write,
well in advance, to the First Sea Lord, The Admiralty, Whitehall.'

'If your enquiry is not urgent, please press 2 for the Allied Rapid
Reaction Corps.'

'If you are in real, hot trouble please press 3, and your call will be
routed to Sandline International.'

'If you are interested in joining the Army and wish to be shouted at, paid
little, have premature arthritis, put your wife and family in a condemned
hut miles from civilisation, and are prepared to work your ***** off daily,
risking your life, in all weathers and terrain’s, both day and night, whilst
watching the Treasury eroding your original terms and conditions of
service, then please stay on the line. Your call will shortly be connected
to a bitter passed-over Recruiting Sergeant in a grotty shop down by the
railway station.'

'Have a pleasant day, and thank you again for trying to contact the
British Army.'

For non-UK readers - Sandline International is a UK company which supplies
mercenaries, weapons and overseas training packages.

[AJA]

Sorry mate. I don't see the funny side.

That's obviously written by a very bitter and twisted serviceman/woman or ex-serviceman/woman. Probably a complete waster who found it hard to get along and moaned his or her head off at the slightest thing.

Most people in the armed forces are proud to serve and ex-service are proud to 'have served'. There isn't a better place to earn 'friends for life' in my eyes. And a career and training is there if you can be bothered to get off your a*s* and do something rather than wait for it to come to you.

Don't get me wrong matey, I'm not having a go at you. I can see how people would find it funny, i'm just not one of them.

[Brocks]

Sorry if you're offended Alex.

Please remember I work with the forces and come from a forces family. I wouldn't want anyone to think I had a problem with them what so ever. This was an email running round the Army a few years ago when I worked with them, and was meant to be a dig at the system at the time. Unfortunatley it is a sentiment I hear day in day out even today in the Navy.

When I was in the MOD Defence spending was ranked third behind the NHS and DHSS. Now it's ranked down in 5th or 6th maybe lower. The forces are spread very thin and promotion is getting harder and harder. Apparently it is easier for the last two years there have been significantly more RN Commander slots than WO slots.

Again I did not mean to offend.

[john_k_sri]

Sorry mate. I don't see the funny side.

That's obviously written by a very bitter and twisted serviceman/woman or ex-serviceman/woman. Probably a complete waster who found it hard to get along and moaned his or her head off at the slightest thing.

Most people in the armed forces are proud to serve and ex-service are proud to 'have served'. There isn't a better place to earn 'friends for life' in my eyes. And a career and training is there if you can be bothered to get off your a*s* and do something rather than wait for it to come to you.

Don't get me wrong matey, I'm not having a go at you. I can see how people would find it funny, i'm just not one of them.

Alex, I've never served Queen and Country, but I can understand your reaction. Rather than finding it funny, if find it sarcastic in the extreme, but to me it is another example illustrating how this country of ours, through government incompetence and/or a misguided sense of priorities , has failed to maintain high standards and quality in so many of the things it purports to do well. There was a time when we led the civilized world in most of what we did, in terms of industry, education, innovation, technology, and so much else including our Armed Forces. Successive governments have failed to put their money where their mouth is, and have sacrificed quality on the altar of economic expediency. I cast no slur whatsoever on those who serve our country, who are faultlessly dedicated to a man.

[john_k_sri]

When I was in the MOD Defence spending was ranked third behind the NHS and DHSS. Now it's ranked down in 5th or 6th maybe lower. The forces are spread very thin and promotion is getting harder and harder.

Yeh, Government machinations and arbitrary changes in spending priorities have fooked up Education as well. Decisions being made by people who know absolutely **** all about the areas they are affecting, like when David Blunkett was in charge of education, and he was described as 'the blind leading the hamstrung'. Enough said. Rant over.

[mark1319]

I completely agree with every statement made already, as a serving soldier I experience these **** decisions that morons are making as they see themselves as in the right. Very rarely are the grafters ever asked what we think should be done, as said we are dedicated to a man so what says goes.

Its already a stressfull job and only seems to be made worse by dumb **** decisions made by some **** in a suit and tie that sits in his **** and puts pen to paper. And its all because money they all want more in their pockets so we end up getting less, and its not only forces its education, health anything or that is funded through the government.

After all is said and done though I love my job because of the people around me, this statement if seen by someone could get me in the **** as now they are trying to silence the voice that we are given a right to use, Its all just getting a bit stupid now.

[Ste]

^^^^^ profanity checker has melted down. (and failed on probably the most offensive word ever uttered).

Thing is, I agree with almost everything he has said.

[Penfold101]

Echoing what Mark1319 said, I doubt there's any member of the armed forces, myself included, who wouldn't find it funny... A sense of humour is vital in the forces, which ever branch you join.

As the saying goes: "Can't take a joke, shouldn't have joined..."

[mark1319]

Echoing what Mark1319 said, I doubt there's any member of the armed forces, myself included, who wouldn't find it funny... A sense of humour is vital in the forces, which ever branch you join.

As the saying goes: "Can't take a joke, shouldn't have joined..."

Oh so true m8, makes it all worth while, never a day goes by that you dont get a good laugh

[mark1319]

^^^^^ profanity checker has melted down. (and failed on probably the most offensive word ever uttered)

Ste due to the face that my English skills suck I dont have a clue what you mean, could you plz explain, my apoligies if I seem thick.