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Thread: Affairs

  1. #1
    Regular Member JCB's Avatar
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    Default Affairs

    The First Affair

    A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day,
    their passions overcame them and they took off for her house where
    they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild
    sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8:00 pm. As the man threw
    on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub
    them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless
    complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home. Where have you
    been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house. Darling, I can't
    lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've
    been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up
    until eight o'clock." The wife glanced down at his shoes and said,
    "You lying *******! You've been playing golf!".


    The Next Affair

    A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine
    the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated.
    As he examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be
    cremated, he made an amazing discovery. Schwartz had the longest
    private part he had ever seen! "I'm sorry, Mr. Schwartz", said the
    mortician," but I can't send you off to be cremated with a
    tremendously huge private part like this. It has to be saved for
    posterity." With that, the coroner used his tools to remove the dead
    man's scaling. He stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it
    home. The first person he showed it to was his wife. "I have
    something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and opened
    up his briefcase. "Oh my God!" the wife screamed, "Schwartz is dead!"


    The Next Affair

    A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening
    the front door. "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner." Then she
    quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then dusted him with talcum
    powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just
    pretend you're a statue." "What's this, honey?" the husband inquired
    as he entered the room. "Oh, it's a statue," she replied
    nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it
    so much, I got one for us too." No more was said about the statue,
    not even later when they went to sleep. Around two in the morning,
    the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while
    later with a sandwich and a glass of milk. "Here", he said to the
    statue, "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths for three
    days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."


    The Next Affair

    A man walks into a night club one night. He goes up to the bar
    and asks for a beer. "Certainly, Sir, that'll be 1 cent." "One
    cent?", exclaimed the man. So the man glances over at the menu and
    asks, "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with chips, peas and
    a fried egg?" "Certainly, Sir," replies the barman, "but that comes
    to real money." "How much money?" inquires the man. "4 cents",the
    bartender replied. "Four cents?", exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy
    who owns this place?" The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my
    wife." The man says, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" The
    bartender replied, "The same thing I'm doing to his business."


    The Next Affair

    Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a candlelight vigil
    by his side. She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face.
    Her praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale
    lips began to move slightly. "Becky my darling," he whispered. "Hush
    my love," she said. "Rest, don't talk." He was insistent. "Becky,"
    he said in his tired voice, "I have something that I must
    confess." "There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Becky,
    "everything's all right, go to sleep." "No, no. I must die in peace,
    Becky. I .... I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best
    friend and your mother!" I know, my sweet one", whispered Becky, "let
    the poison work."

  2. #2
    Regular Member simac's Avatar
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    pmsl

  3. #3
    Ex-Staff Full Member Ian T's Avatar
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    Very good

  4. #4
    Regular Member dazza1964's Avatar
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    very good indeed

  5. #5
    Regular Member BlueRob's Avatar
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    Love the Statue one

  6. #6
    Regular Member Caterman's Avatar
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    Engine : 3.2 V6

    Year : 05

    Default

    Very good

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