User Tag List

Thanks Thanks:  0
Likes Likes:  0
Results 1 to 5 of 5

Thread: Friday jokes

  1. #1
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    North west
    Problems Posted
    0
    Problems Solved
    0
    Best Answers
    0
    Good Answers
    0
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Vehicle InfoStats





    Default Friday jokes

    Friday Jokes

    A Nun & a priest were crossing the Sahara Desert on a camel. On the third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning.

    After dusting themselves off, the nun and the priest surveyed their situation. After along period of silence, the priest spoke. "Well, sister, this looks pretty grim.." "I know, father. In fact, I don't think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two."

    "I agree," says the Father. "Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?"

    "Anything, Father."

    "I have never seen a woman's breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours."

    "Well, under the circumstances I don't see that it would do any harm."

    The nun opened her habit and the priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty.

    "Sister, would you mind if I touched them?"

    She consented and he fondled them for several minutes.

    "Father, could I ask something of you?"

    "Yes, Sister?"

    "I have never seen a man's ***** . Could I see yours?"

    "I suppose that would be OK," the priest replied, lifting his robe.

    "Oh Father, may I touch it?"

    This time the priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he was sporting a huge erection.

    "Sister, you know that if I insert my ***** in the right place, it can produce life."

    "Is that true father?"

    "Yes, it is, Sister."

    "Oh Father that's wonderful, stick it in the camel and let's get the F** k out of here."


    -------------------------------------------------------------------------

    A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away.

    The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who the hell was that?

    "Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."

    "Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce!

    "I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Audi or Lexus in the garage And no more yacht club. But the decision is yours."

    Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.

    "Who's that woman with Jim?" asks the wife.

    "That's his mistress," says her husband.

    "Ours is prettier," she replies

    -------------------------------------------------------------------------

    A college professor was doing a study testing the senses of first graders, using a bowl of lifesavers. He gave all the children the same kind of lifesavers, one at a time, and asked them to identify them by color and flavor. The children began to say:

    "Red - cherry"
    "Yellow - lemon"
    "Green - lime"
    "Orange - orange"

    Finally, the professor gave them all honey lifesavers. After eating them for a few moments, none of the children could identify the taste.

    "Well he said, "I'll give you a clue, it’s what your mother may sometimes call your father."

    One little girl looked up in horror, spit hers out, and yelled: "Oh My God! - they're ********'s."

    -------------------------------------------------------------------------

    A guy walked into a bar with his pet monkey. He ordered a drink and while he was drinking, the monkey jumped all around the place. The monkey grabbed some olives off the bar and ate them, then grabbed some sliced limes and ate them, then jumped onto the pool table,
    grabbed one of the billiard balls, stuck it in his mouth, and to everyone's
    amazement, somehow swallowed it whole!!!

    The bartender screamed at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"

    The guy said "No, what?" He just swallowed the cue ball off my pool table-whole! "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "he eats everything in sight, the little *******. Sorry. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff."

    He finished his drink, paid his bill, paid for the stuff the monkey ate and left.

    Two weeks later he was in the bar again, and had his monkey with him. He ordered a drink and the monkey started running around the bar again. While the man was finishing his drink, the monkey found a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabbed it, stuck it up his butt, pulled it out, and ate it! Then the monkey found a peanut, and stuck it up his butt, pulled it out, and ate it as well! The bartender was disgusted.

    "Did you see what your damn monkey did now? He asked. "No, what?" replied the guy.

    "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his butt, pulled them out, and ate them!" said the bartender.

    "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he had to pass that cue ball, he measures everything first!

    -------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Misplaced adverts:














    Ad on the bus reads: "If you don't gave GIO Third Party Property Insurance, we suggest you don't hit this bus"
















  2. #2
    Regular Member BlueRob's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Mexico
    Problems Posted
    0
    Problems Solved
    0
    Best Answers
    0
    Good Answers
    0
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Vehicle InfoStats





    Default

    good ones mate!

  3. #3
    Regular Member Ste's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    ..... Driving the Jaguar XF
    Problems Posted
    0
    Problems Solved
    0
    Best Answers
    0
    Good Answers
    0
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Vehicle InfoStats

    Vehicle : Jaguar XF 3.0D V6

    Trim : Black

    Engine : 3.0D V6

    Year : 0000

    Default

    Liked the first one, very good.

  4. #4
    Regular Member Maddog1974's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Colchester
    Problems Posted
    0
    Problems Solved
    0
    Best Answers
    0
    Good Answers
    0
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Vehicle InfoStats





    Thumbs up

    Very good mate, made me laugh!

  5. #5
    Regular Member jonnye's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Derby
    Problems Posted
    0
    Problems Solved
    0
    Best Answers
    0
    Good Answers
    0
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Vehicle InfoStats





    Default

    pmsl

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads

  1. JOKES == 20 / 04 / 12 == Friday
    By HITFACTORY1403 in forum Comedy & Humour
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 24th April 2012, 20:22
  2. Some Jokes
    By HITFACTORY1403 in forum Comedy & Humour
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 19th September 2011, 10:33
  3. best jokes please
    By carlsondavid33 in forum Vectra C / Signum Car Chat
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 25th October 2010, 22:33
  4. jokes
    By howey in forum Comedy & Humour
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 1st May 2007, 12:48

Visitors found this page by searching for:

Nobody landed on this page from a search engine, yet!

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •