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Thread: Insurance claim extracts

  1. #1
    Regular Member pricey's Avatar
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    Default Insurance claim extracts

    "I was driving along when I saw two kangaroos copulating in the middle of the road causing me to ejaculate through the sun roof."

    "I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought."

    "I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the hood. I realised the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket."

    Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident?
    A: Travelled by bus?

    The claimant had collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were -
    Q: What warning was given by you?
    A: Horn.
    Q: What warning was given by the other party?
    A: Moo.

    "I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard."

    "The accident happened because I had one eye on the lorry in front, one eye on the pedestrian and the other on the car behind."

    "I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control."

    "I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight"

    Q: Do you engage in motorcycling, hunting or any other pastimes of a hazardous nature?
    A: "I Watch the Lottery Show and listen to Terry Wogan."

    "Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo."

    "The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again"

    "I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment."

    "I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way"

    "A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face"

    "A pedestrian hit me and went under my car"

    "In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole"

    "Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have."

    "I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it."

    "The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him."

    "I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident."

    "To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck a pedestrian."

    "My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle."

    "I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull."

    "I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him."

    "The pedestrian had no idea which way to run as I ran over him."

    "I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car."

    "I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the opposite way."

    "I was backing my car out of the driveway in the usual manner, when it was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struck several times before."

    "When I saw I could not avoid a collision I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car."

    "The accident happened when the right front door of a car came round the corner without giving a signal."

    "No one was to blame for the accident but it would never have happened if the other driver had been alert."

    "The pedestrian ran for the pavement, but I got him."

    "I saw her look at me twice. She appeared to be making slow progress when we met on impact."

  2. #2
    Admin plasma's Avatar
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    Heard most of them b4 but are still good, out of all of them this one had me laughing.. gawd knows what next door thinks of me..

    The claimant had collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were -
    Q: What warning was given by you?
    A: Horn.
    Q: What warning was given by the other party?
    A: Moo.

  3. #3
    Regular Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by plasma View Post
    Heard most of them b4 but are still good, out of all of them this one had me laughing.. gawd knows what next door thinks of me..

    The claimant had collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were -
    Q: What warning was given by you?
    A: Horn.
    Q: What warning was given by the other party?
    A: Moo.

    same here, first time i heard that one cant stop grinning reading it

  4. #4
    Regular Member BigDeek's Avatar
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    Solid Gold

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