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Thread: A How To For The Woman In Your Life & Vectra!

  1. #1
    Regular Member sonic's Avatar
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    Default A How To For The Woman In Your Life & Vectra!

    I thought I would do this as it seems that a lot of women have some problems In this area.

    How To Refuel Your Car

    1. You may on occasion see this. This pic is of an Astra dashboard. Note the illuminated warning light. This indicates that your car needs fuel. Most cars have this type of warning light. This is your cars way of telling you to fill the damm thing up.
    Attachment 2950

    2. You now need to locate a filling station. There are several different brands of fuel available. You can even get fuel for the car at Supermarkets like Tesco/Morrisons/Sainsburys etc. You may even find one thats your favourite colour.

    This is a BP
    Attachment 2951

    This is a Jet station
    Attachment 2952

    Remember you can use other filling stations, these are just examples so you know what to look for.

    3. Once you have driven onto the filling station, drive onto the 'Forecourt' and park next to one of these.
    Attachment 2953

    This is called a 'Fuelpump'
    Note there are different coloured hoses. These are not designed to co-ordinate with shoes/bags/car colour etc. They indicate what type of fuel comes out of the hose. There are several different types of fuel available but we will concentrate on the two most common fuels. Diesel(black hose) and petrol (green hose). You can also see on the pump two screens. These show you how much fuel you are putting into your car. The pump also has a number on it. You will need to remember this.

    4. Once you have parked next to the 'Fuelpump' get out of the car.
    Do NOT stop to do your hair, check your clothing etc etc.
    Look for one of these. It could be on either side of the car. afetr doing this 'Filling up' procedure a few times you will remember what side of the car it is on.
    Attachment 2954

    This is called the 'Fillercap'. You will find it opens quite easily. Beneath it you will find a second cap which you remove.
    You then remove the relevant colour of hose from the pump depending on what fuel you car runs on. (You may need to ask a man to help) and place the nozzle into the hole you made by removing the 'Fillercap'.
    Attachment 2956

    You then squeeze the handle to make the fuel go into the car. You can see how much goes in by looking at the screen we mentioned earlier.(note the addition of a glove in this picture to keep 'The horrible stinky stuff' off you hands)
    Attachment 2955

    5. Once you have put the fuel in the car replace the hose on the pump in the same place you got it from,and REPLACE the fuel cap. Then go into the shop to pay.

    It may be that you have to queue
    Attachment 2957

    But be patient, it won't take long.
    Do NOT buy armfuls of chocolate, cheap tat or 2for1 offers etc whilst queueing.

    Once ot the front of the queue, you will see one of these
    Attachment 2958

    Do not be afraid. It is just the same as the till you will find in TopShop Dorothy Perkins, Next etc etc.
    Tell the cashier the number of the pump you used and pay.
    It's that easy.
    PLEASE DONT FEEL BAD BECAUSE YOU DONT LEAVE THE SHOP WITH A PAIR OF SHOES/NEW TOP/NEW BAG/ ACCESSORIE etc.
    Remember the fuel you have paid for is in the car!!

    6. Finally return to the car and drive away. DO NOT spend the next 5 minutes checking hair/lipstick/chatting to people in your car/Texting etc etc.
    Other people are likely to be behind you waiting to use the pump.

    A quick look at the dashboard should show this
    Attachment 2959

    Note the white needles is no longer in the red section and the little light has gone out.

    Your partner will be eternally happy that when he gets into the car he doesnt have to go straight to the filling station to fill the car up.....

    WHICH IS WHAT HAPPENS EVERY B****Y DAY I GET INTO THE CAR AT THE MOMENT!

    (My apologies to the rare breed of women who do fill the car up!!!!!)

    PS this is a joke.....!
    Last edited by sonic; 24th May 2007 at 12:35.

  2. #2
    Regular Member Gsi3.2's Avatar
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    GSI runs and hides before Mrs Gsi see's this....

    I don't suffer from this myself, as she's very good at filling the signum up.. she gets plenty of practice..

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    Regular Member welshy's Avatar
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    Fantastic

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    [Ex]Admin Duncan's Avatar
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    lol - you're a brave man sonicboom!!

    Mrs Duncan rarely drives my car so it's never usually an issue. In her Corsa if she goes below half-full she's soon off to fill it up! I must get her to drive my car more often and give it to her with about a quarter of a tank left - she'll be straight off to the petrol station with it!

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    Regular Member ALD's Avatar
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    lol, very good m8

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    Regular Member vecest's Avatar
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    fantastic, love that. Whenever my wife drives the Vec I have to put a day aside to clean out ashtrays, boot, footwells, clean windscreen(dont ask no idea) clean seat fabric if kids also in car with wife. It drives me mad. I get in her car, moving all the junk and waste of the seat so I can sit down and no fuel - cost me a fortune filling her car up!
    Needless to say after I have flipped my lid she doesn't drive the Vec very often!
    Mark

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    Regular Member Green Growler's Avatar
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    I think we should move this to the how2 forum, PMSL !!!

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    Regular Member LJ sxi-nav's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sonicboom View Post
    You then squeeze the handle to make the fuel go into the car. You can see how much goes in by looking at the screen we mentioned earlier.(note the addition of a glove in this picture to keep 'The horrible stinky stuff' off you hands)
    Is it permitted to let the missus use pink gloves with frilly bits!!! colour co-ordination and all that!

    LOL

  9. #9
    Regular Member j13hdb's Avatar
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    you're a bit tight- you could have filled it up!!!!!!!!!!

  10. #10
    Regular Member Coastie's Avatar
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    omg

    Im so glad for this kinda laugh when at work for 12 hours..... do post the pictures of the brutal beating dished out from any female members


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