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Thread: airplanes

  1. #1
    Regular Member howey's Avatar
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    Default airplanes

    SUBJECT: Airline humour;Remember, it takes a college degree to fly a plane,
    but only a high school diploma to fix one.
    Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.
    ;After every flight, Qantas' pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet,"
    which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
    The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form,
    and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
    Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.
    Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P)
    and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers (marked with an S).
    By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

    1 = P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
    2 = P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
    3 = P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit.
    4 = P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order.
    5 = P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
    6 = P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed.
    7 = P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level.
    8 = P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what they're for.
    9 = P: IFF inoperative. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
    10= P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right.
    11= P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
    12= P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
    13= P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
    14= P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed.
    And the best one for last:
    15= P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget.

  2. #2
    Regular Member pricey's Avatar
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    PMSL!!

  3. #3
    Regular Member vectravirg's Avatar
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    Excellent, stugled keeping a straight face in the office reading that!!

  4. #4
    Regular Member j13hdb's Avatar
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    Brilliant! Let's see if they have the same sense of humour on Monday when I go to New York on Virgin-mind you don't they like a drink??!!

  5. #5
    Forum Moderator FIL 4822's Avatar
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    Vehicle : Insignia VX-line RED Tourer

    Trim : No, over weight!

    Engine : Flux Core Capacitor

    Year : 1 A.D

    Mileage : Rising

    Default

    i like those !


    Have consideration for the deaf, if you're gunna fart, make it smell !


  6. #6
    Regular Member Brocks's Avatar
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    As a qualified avionics engineer....I'm crying here...absolutly BRILLIANT!!!!!!!!!

  7. #7
    Regular Member rushy's Avatar
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    Vehicle : SRi


    Engine : Z22SE (2.2 Petrol)

    Year : 2004

    Mileage : 137000

    Default

    6 = P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed.
    My favorite by far. Very funny.

  8. #8
    Regular Member AndrewTi's Avatar
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    Nah!! It's this one!!

    11= P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

  9. #9
    Regular Member Gsi3.2's Avatar
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    OMG... if you've worked in the aero world ever, you just know how right this is....

  10. #10
    Regular Member Caterman's Avatar
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    Vehicle : Signum

    Trim : Elite

    Engine : 3.2 V6

    Year : 05

    Default

    Tears rolling down cheeks

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