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Thread: this is brill

  1. #1
    Regular Member ditchp's Avatar
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    Vehicle : Vectra cdti estate

    Trim : Get a

    Engine : Dirty diesel

    Year : 2006

    Eek this is brill

    THE STORY OF THE GRASSHOPPER & THE SQUIRREL

    REST OF THE WORLD VERSION:

    The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long,
    building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the
    winter.

    The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays
    the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.

    The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in
    the cold.

    THE END


    THE BRITISH VERSION:

    The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long,
    building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

    The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays
    the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.

    A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press
    conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed
    be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the
    grasshopper, are cold and starving.

    The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering
    grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable
    warm home with a table laden with food.

    The British press inform people that they should be ashamed that in
    a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer
    so while others have plenty.

    The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper
    Council of GB demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house.

    The BBC, interrupting a cultural festival special from Notting Hill
    with breaking news, broadcasts a multi cultural choir singing "We
    Shall Overcome".

    Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor McDonald that the
    squirrel has gotten rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls
    for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his "fair
    share" and increases the charge for squirrels to enter inner London.

    In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the
    Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive
    to the beginning of the summer.

    The squirrel's taxes are reassessed.

    He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as
    builders for the work he was doing on his home and an additional
    fine for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to work

    The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to
    furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be
    socially mobile.

    The squirrels' food is seized and re distributed to the more needy
    members of society, in this case the grasshopper.

    Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly
    imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start
    building a new home.

    The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a
    temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to
    get to Britain as they had to share their country of origin with
    mice. On arrival, they tried to blow up the airport because of
    Britain's apparent love of dogs.

    The cats had been arrested for the international offence of
    hijacking and attempt bombing but were immediately released because the police
    fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody.

    Initial moves to then return them to their own country were
    abandoned because it was feared they would face death by the mice.

    The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from peoples credit
    cards.

    A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of
    the squirrels food, though spring is still months away, while the
    council house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to
    maintain the house. He is shown to be taking drugs.

    Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshoppers' drug
    'illness'.

    The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their treatment
    since arrival in UK.

    The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a
    burglary to get money for his drugs habit.

    He is imprisoned but released immediately because he has been in
    custody for a few weeks.

    He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and
    supervise him. Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a
    botched robbery.

    A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost £10,000,000 and
    state the obvious, is set up.

    Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme
    for grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers
    is increased. The asylum seeking cats are praised by the government for
    enriching Britain's multicultural diversity and dogs are criticised
    by the government for failing to befriend the cats.

    The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the
    press blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the
    root causes of despair arising from social inequity and his
    traumatic experience of prison. They call for the resignation of a minister.

    The cats are paid a million pounds each because their rights were
    infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice
    in the United Kingdom.

    The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the
    bombing, the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on
    their credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are increased to pay
    for law and order and they are told that they will have to work
    beyond 65 because of a shortfall in government funds.

    THE END
    Midlands Mod Shop - NFFC.

  2. #2
    Regular Member pricey's Avatar
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    PMSL.
    Thats class.

  3. #3
    Regular Member ion's Avatar
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    It is amusing but I can't laugh, it hits the nail on the head really!!

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