User Tag List

Thanks Thanks:  0
Likes Likes:  0
Results 1 to 9 of 9

Thread: How to give a Cat A Pill

  1. #1
    Regular Member Das's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Yer Maws Bedroom
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    40 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Vehicle InfoStats

    Vehicle : Honda Civic

    Trim : ES with Honda Image and City Packs

    Engine : 1.8 iVtec

    Year : 2009

    Mileage : 85000

    Talking How to give a Cat A Pill

    HOW TO GIVE YOUR CAT A PILL:

    1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

    2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in
    left arm and repeat process.

    3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

    4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear
    paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

    5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

    6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

    7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap.
    Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

    8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill inside end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

    9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

    10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

    11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

    12) Call fire brigade to retrieve the f------ cat from tree across
    the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.

    13) Tie the little b**tard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak filet. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

    14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the
    emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and remove pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

    15) Arrange for RSPCA to collect "mutant cat from hell" and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

    HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL:

    1) Wrap it in cheese.

  2. #2
    Regular Member Mark-R's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    Dundee
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Vehicle InfoStats

    Vehicle : GSI

    Trim : (vxr/irmy)

    Engine : 3.2 v6

    Year : 2004

    Default

    Lmfao

  3. #3
    Regular Member stevoxsi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    Coleraine, Norn Iron.
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Vehicle InfoStats

    Vehicle : Insignia

    Trim : Sri Vx-line

    Engine : 2.0 Cdti 160

    Year : 2011

    Default

    Actually laughing out loud!

  4. #4
    Regular Member Mark-R's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    Dundee
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Vehicle InfoStats

    Vehicle : GSI

    Trim : (vxr/irmy)

    Engine : 3.2 v6

    Year : 2004

    Default

    Just think to ive just picked up a we kitting just hope its no like that when i have to give her a pill lol

  5. #5
    Regular Member david-bell's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    eastlothian scotland
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Vehicle InfoStats

    Vehicle : vectra vxr

    Trim : vxr

    Engine : 2.8 v6 turbo

    Year : 2008

    Mileage : 31000

    Default

    Pmsl that is superb and nearly true

  6. #6
    Full Member Z80's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Noumea
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    16 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Vehicle InfoStats

    Vehicle : Opel Vectra GTS

    Trim : Elegance

    Engine : 2.2 DTi 16V

    Year : 2003

    Mileage : 75 000

    Default

    LMAO so realistic !

  7. #7
    Full Member bobssignum's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    polishing something or other somewhere
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    4 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Vehicle InfoStats

    Vehicle : Insignia sport tourer 2.0 CDTi

    Trim : /Elite

    Engine : 2.0 CDTi

    Year : 2014

    Mileage : 34900

    Default

    brilliant lmfao
    Driving vauxhall,s for 30 + years
    and still loving it

  8. #8
    Regular Member messermitch's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    Yorkshire
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Vehicle InfoStats

    Vehicle : Signum

    Trim : Design

    Engine : 1.9Cdti 150

    Year : 2004

    Default

    Excellent. Good Find..

  9. #9
    Regular Member daddyjay's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    poole
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Vehicle InfoStats

    Vehicle : vectra facelift

    Trim : sri

    Engine : z20net 2oltr turbo

    Year : 57

    Mileage : 38200

    Default


Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads

  1. come on god give us some sun ffs!
    By pogo in forum The 'Off Topic' room
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 6th August 2012, 22:06
  2. That's It I Give Up!
    By Bethan39 in forum Vectra C / Signum Car Chat
    Replies: 21
    Last Post: 20th January 2010, 19:52
  3. I Give Up.....
    By Signum_CDTI in forum General Chat
    Replies: 53
    Last Post: 2nd April 2008, 15:10

Visitors found this page by searching for:

Nobody landed on this page from a search engine, yet!

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •