Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.
As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.
After a bit of small talk while resuming the journey, the Navajo woman noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.
"What's in the bag?" asked the woman.
Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, "It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband."

The Navajo woman was silent for a moment, then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder said, "Good trade."

Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.

'If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds.'

Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.
'How long will this take?' I asked.

'They will grow larger over a period of years,' my husband replies. I stopped. 'Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?'
Without missing a beat he says 'Worked for your arse, didn't it?'
He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk again. Although, he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw.

A female officer arrested a man for drunk driving.

The female officer tells the man, "Sir, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be held against you."

The drunk replies, "Tits."

A guy decides to have a party where his guests are asked to come as different emotions e.g. fear etc.

On the night of the party, the first guest arrives and the host opens the door to see a guy covered in green paint with the letters N and V painted on his chest.

He says to this guy, "Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as?"
The guy says, "I'm green with NV".

The host replies, "Brilliant come on in and have a drink."

A few minutes later the next guest arrives and the host opens the door to see a woman covered in a pink body stocking with a feather boa wrapped around her most intimate parts.

He says to this woman, "Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as?

She replies, "I'm tickled pink."

The host says, "I love it, come on in and join the party."

A couple of minutes later the doorbell goes for the third time, and the host opens the door to see two Irish blokes, Paddy and

Mick, standing stark naked, one with his willy in a bowl of custard and the other with his willy stuck in a pear.

The host is really shocked and says, "What the hell are you both doing? You could get arrested standing like that out there in the street. Anyhow what emotion is this supposed to be?"

Paddy replies, "Welllll, Oim fokin discustard, and Mick here has just come in despair."

very large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a bar in Dublin. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit, as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, ’What man here will buy a lady a drink?’

The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, an owl-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed ’Give the ballerina a drink!’

The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, ’What man here will buy a lady a drink?’
Once again, the same drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, ’Give the ballerina another drink!’

The bartender approached the little drunk and said ’Tell me, Paddy, it’s your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her a ballerina?’

The drunk replied, ’Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!