HERE'S ANOTHER REVIEW FROM A MAN USING VEET!!!!!! MUST READ SOOOOO FUNNY
I have always been rather blessed with the hair around my beef thermometer and knackers which in my youth was a rich mahogany hue, with a hint of curl forming a garden arch around my tackle but over the years, whilst the hair on my head has remained largely unchanged my groin and happy trail has somewhat degraded. Now in my twilight years it has faded to resemble dumbledores beard, which although uncanny in its resemblence is a bit of a mood killer when I get the love wand out for the wife so on a whim I decided that the only solution was to go back as nature intended and expelliarmus my thatch.
I first bought a competitors product to perform the aforementioned task and adhereing strictly to the 6 minute rule I washed off to find not a single short and curly had been removed. I subsequently took another stab this time leaving the product on for 30 minutes and apart from my wifes hilarity at comparing me to a lifesized banana split I had no more success. Clearly I needed something more radical for my solution. It was then that a former friend pointed out the reviews on this product and suggested I give it a try. I read most of the reviews but considering my lack of success with the previous product assumed that my pubic beard was made of stronger stuff. Not dissimilar to supermans hair that suspends the half ton weight.
I rushed out to buy the product from my local chemist and paid little heed to the fact that it was in a locked cabinet with the perscription grade medicines and also ignored the pharmacists questions when supplying me the gel. With hindsight I should have listened when he warned me to take great care during application not to get this anywhere! I thought it was hyperbole I didn't think he meant it!
With the ball and chain at work I thought I would suprise her with a hairless chain and balls and set to work. The cream/gel applied easily with a rather pleasant soothing effect, I placed a towel on my leather sofa and sat down to watch bargain hunt whilst the magic cream worked. After a short while I noticed a warming sensation not unlike the effect of putting tiger balm on a sprain. this should have been my third warning as anyone who has ever put tiger balm on and then accidentally got it on any sensitive area will know the pain is unlike anything you will have ever experienced, unless you've tried veet on your taters!
The heat increased exponentially and what started out as a warming sensation became a full blown inferno on my crotch and had me sitting forwards huffing, puffing and sweating as tried to resist the tempation to wash it off and let the full 6 minutes pass. The heat, pain and smell of barbequed beef increased so quickly that I went into a panic and launched off the sofa towards my staircase however being sweaty and having laminated flooring throughout I slipped and slid across the floor like a fantasia elephant, stark bollock naked with only cream hiding my old chap right in front of my lounge window looking out onto my cul de sac, hit the wall and fell to the floor. After seriously damaging my knee in the impact I was now unable to climb the stairs and was struggling to get off the floor due to the cupious amounts of blood and sweat that was now coating the floor beneath me.
Worse was yet to come as by now the sweat on my crotch had started to spread the cream and it was slowly but certainly creeping its way between my pressed hams and it was only a matter of time before it hit my chocolatier. In a final act of desperation I dragged myself across the floor, launched crack first at the tropical fish tank and passed out!
I awoke to find my wife standing in the living room in disbelief staring at her stark bollock naked husband, melted sofa and towel, laminate which was slowly fizzing under the remains of my pubic sweat, blood and veet and about £200 worth of dead tropical fish and a busted tank. My yoghurt slinger now looks like a massive overblown red jelly bean, where my danglers used to be is a pouch of skin that looks like santas sack and the boys have disappeared so far up inside me they are featuring on crimewatch next week under missing persons! The shame of my silver brilo pad has been replaced by an inability to walk straight or stand for any period of time. I now talk with a scottish twang in my accent to explain why I am suddenly wearing kilts all of the time. My wife (now ex) has been sectioned with PTS syndrome and I now refuse to take my clothes off infront of anyone, mirrors or in fact any reflective surface in case I offend myself or anyone else with my convincing impression of kuato and hellboys lovechild.
On the plus side I am now hairless but it seems like a heavy price to pay.....