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Thread: A Little Mix

  1. #1
    Regular Member John Bishop's Avatar
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    Default A Little Mix

    Why do people believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but
    check when you say the paint is wet?

    Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

    A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

    Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?

    Wife stands naked before her husband & asks him " What do you like best about me, My Beautiful face or sexy body??" After a moment of thinking he replies " Your ****ing sense of humour"

    me & the missus was on the last day of our holiday & after a few sambuca's & a few hours persuasion she finally agreed to take it up the arse....i was so relieved coz there was no way i could get another 8 pouches of tobacco in the suitcase !

    A man from Sunderland who appeared in Embarrassing Bodies was delighted to find out that the red rash around his ***** was only his sisters lipstick

    Took the wife to a show where a black fella with big hair spins round & round in circles. When he had finished both me & the wife felt really horny.....
    Apparently it was an Afro dizzy act

    After years of trying, I've finally found my wife's G-spot. Can you believe her sister had it all the time!

    A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has
    been in a coma for several years. On this visit he decides
    to rub her left breast instead of just talking to her. On
    doing this she lets out a sigh. The man runs out and tells
    the doctor who says this is a good sign and suggests he
    ... should try rubbing her right breast to see if there is any
    reaction. The man goes in and rubs her right breast and
    this brings a moan. From this, the doctor suggests that
    the man should go in and try oral sex, saying he will wait
    outside as it is a personal act and he doesn't want the
    man to be embarrassed. The man goes in then comes
    out about five minutes later, white as a sheet and tells
    the doctor his wife is dead. The doctor asks what
    happened-to which the man replies: "She choked."

    A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a
    question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he
    accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he
    does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite
    startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your
    ... heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."
    She replies, "if your ***** is as hard as your elbow,
    I'm in room 121."

    There was this couple who had been married for 50 years.
    They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when
    the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've
    been married for 50 years.' "Yeah," she replied, "Just think,
    fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table
    ... together." "I know," the old man said, "We were probably
    sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago." "Well,"
    Granny snickered, "What do you say...should we get naked?"
    Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at
    the table. "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly
    replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were
    fifty years ago." "I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps.
    "One's in your coffee and the other is in your porridge!!!!

  2. #2
    VIP-Member antowens's Avatar
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    Default

    some good ones ther but the one about the man visting his wife in hospital didnt half make me laugh

  3. #3
    Regular Member chewy71's Avatar
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by John Bishop View Post
    Why do people believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but
    check when you say the paint is wet?
    I prefer the version:
    Tell people there is an invisible man in the sky who created the universe and the vast majority will believe you,.. tell them the paint is wet and they have to check!"

  4. #4
    Regular Member Mr Owens's Avatar
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    Default

    That's brightened up my day

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