Why do people believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but
check when you say the paint is wet?
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
Wife stands naked before her husband & asks him " What do you like best about me, My Beautiful face or sexy body??" After a moment of thinking he replies " Your ****ing sense of humour"
me & the missus was on the last day of our holiday & after a few sambuca's & a few hours persuasion she finally agreed to take it up the arse....i was so relieved coz there was no way i could get another 8 pouches of tobacco in the suitcase !
A man from Sunderland who appeared in Embarrassing Bodies was delighted to find out that the red rash around his ***** was only his sisters lipstick
Took the wife to a show where a black fella with big hair spins round & round in circles. When he had finished both me & the wife felt really horny.....
Apparently it was an Afro dizzy act
After years of trying, I've finally found my wife's G-spot. Can you believe her sister had it all the time!
A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has
been in a coma for several years. On this visit he decides
to rub her left breast instead of just talking to her. On
doing this she lets out a sigh. The man runs out and tells
the doctor who says this is a good sign and suggests he
... should try rubbing her right breast to see if there is any
reaction. The man goes in and rubs her right breast and
this brings a moan. From this, the doctor suggests that
the man should go in and try oral sex, saying he will wait
outside as it is a personal act and he doesn't want the
man to be embarrassed. The man goes in then comes
out about five minutes later, white as a sheet and tells
the doctor his wife is dead. The doctor asks what
happened-to which the man replies: "She choked."
A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a
question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he
accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he
does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite
startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your
... heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."
She replies, "if your ***** is as hard as your elbow,
I'm in room 121."
There was this couple who had been married for 50 years.
They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when
the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've
been married for 50 years.' "Yeah," she replied, "Just think,
fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table
... together." "I know," the old man said, "We were probably
sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago." "Well,"
Granny snickered, "What do you say...should we get naked?"
Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at
the table. "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly
replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were
fifty years ago." "I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps.
"One's in your coffee and the other is in your porridge!!!!