It started - I dreaded opening my mailbox this morning - and sure enough, half the mail was gloating from the "boys" down under who somehow managed to fluke what everyone agrees was a very lucky victory over our finest men. If we took our sport as seriously as an ethic as our previously unwanted expatriates then we might actually win something. Instead we just pay soccer players obscene amounts of money to go out dogging in the week and gambling at the weekend - oh, there might be a game of football there somewhere, as well.
Example below - I just had to laugh.
FOR IMMEDIATE SALE
a.. Open topped tour bus (ideal for hubristic "Victory Parade" or similar)
b.. Four-hour booking of Trafalgar Square (booked months ago, now not required)
c.. 2 tonnes of confetti (used once only)
d.. 10,000 copies of CD recording of 'Jerusalem' sang by England cricket team (need to offload ASAP; make good coasters)
e.. Autobiography book deal "How Good Am I??" with top London publisher (no longer required)
f.. 40,000 miniature Union Jack flags (pre-ordered, now no takers)
g.. Box full of MBEs, OBEs and other miscellaneous gongs (can't find anyone to pin them on)
h.. Trophy cabinet (empty, used for only 14 months and won't be needed again)
i.. Smug, self-satisfied smirk (recently wiped off)
j.. Weekend for 2 at the exclusive 'Marcus Trescothick Private Retreat and Health Spa' (absolute seclusion guaranteed)
Everything must go!!
All serious offers considered!!
Mr F Flintoff
England & Wales Cricket Board
London NW8 8QZ