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Thread: Qantas Airlines: Repair Division

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    Default Qantas Airlines: Repair Division

    Qantas Airlines: Repair Division

    In case you need a laugh:
    Remember, it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one.

    After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 'Gripe Sheet' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
    The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight.

    Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.
    Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

    By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.


    P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
    S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

    P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
    S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

    P: Something loose in cockpit.
    S: Something tightened in cockpit.

    P: Dead bugs on windshield.
    S: Live bugs on back-order.

    P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    S: Evidence removed.

    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
    S: DME volume set to more believable level.

    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
    S: That's what friction locks are for.

    P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

    P: Suspected crack in windshield.
    S: Suspect you're right.

    P: Number 3 engine missing.
    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

    P: Aircraft handles funny............ (I love this one!)
    S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

    P: Target radar hums.
    S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

    P: Mouse in cockpit.
    S: Cat installed.

    And the best one for last..................
    P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
    S: Took hammer away from midget.

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    Regular Member Islander's Avatar
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    quality!

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    very funny and so aussie

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    Regular Member Big Knox's Avatar
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    lol

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    And why would Qantas, a civilian airline, have a target radar or an IFF transponder, both military bits of kit...?

    Also not forgetting all the accidents the Qantas HAVE had, too...

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    Well they do have IFF, of sorts, and I suppose weather radar might count, but these things are never quite they pretend to be - or new for that matter:

    http://www.freegolfinfo.com/forums/p...aspx?m=1214303

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    Quote Originally Posted by vxvirgin View Post
    Well they do have IFF, of sorts, and I suppose weather radar might count, but these things are never quite they pretend to be - or new for that matter:

    http://www.freegolfinfo.com/forums/p...aspx?m=1214303
    Oh absolutely - these have doing the rounds for donkeys years...

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