User Tag List

Thanks Thanks:  0
Likes Likes:  0
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 16

Thread: Not one Irish joke among them, surely no one can be offended.

  1. #1
    VIP-Member Johnsdutton's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    East Kilbride
    Problems Posted
    0
    Problems Solved
    0
    Best Answers
    0
    Good Answers
    0
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Vehicle InfoStats

    Vehicle : Signum

    Trim : Elite

    Engine : 3.2 v6

    Year : 2004

    Mileage : 110,000

    Default Not one Irish joke among them, surely no one can be offended.

    One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...
    The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
    When she asked me why, I replied,
    "Well, you still haven't used the gift Ibought you last year!"
    ________________________________

    My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
    I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
    'No,' she answered. I then said,
    'Is that your final answer?'
    She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
    So I said, "Then I'd like to phone afriend."
    ________________________________

    My wife and I were sitting at a table ather school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
    I asked her, "Do you know him?"
    "Yes", she sighed,
    "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."
    "My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
    ________________________________

    When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
    But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, fishing, footy, having a beer.
    Always something more important to me.
    Finally she thought of a clever way to make herpoint.

    When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
    I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
    I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

    The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
    ______________________________

    My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
    She asked, "What's on TV?"
    I said, "Dust."
    ________________________________

    Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage.
    I hooked up the boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
    The wind was blowing 50mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
    I went back into the house, quietly undressed,and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back; now with a different anticipation, and whispered,
    "The weather out there is terrible."

    My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And,can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
    ______________________________

    My wife was hinting about what she wanted forour up coming anniversary.

    She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."
    I bought her a bathroom scale.
    ______________________________

    After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
    The woman behind the counter asked me for mydriver’s Licence to verify my age.
    I looked in my pockets and realised I had left my wallet at home.
    I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

    The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

    She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

    When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
    She said, 'You should have dropped your pants.You might have gotten disability too.'
    ________________________________

    My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
    She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
    "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
    I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
    I replied, "Your eyesight's darn near perfect."
    ________________________________

    I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!
    The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!

    He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!' So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'




    And yes I know they are old ones.
    3.2 v6 Signum and loving it

    http://www.freewebs.com/johnsdutton/

  2. #2
    Regular Member 6009tristanb's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    bispham, blackpool
    Problems Posted
    0
    Problems Solved
    0
    Best Answers
    0
    Good Answers
    0
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Vehicle InfoStats





    Default

    their old but funny



    be careful tho a certain member who is irish might also be a dwarf

  3. #3
    Regular Member vectra gsi 3.2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    vectra -c nutters crew
    Problems Posted
    0
    Problems Solved
    0
    Best Answers
    0
    Good Answers
    0
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    6 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Vehicle InfoStats

    Vehicle : gsi

    Trim : quality

    Engine : 3.2

    Year : 2005

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by 6009tristanb View Post
    their old but funny



    be careful tho a certain member who is irish might also be a dwarf
    is there any need for that remark.????? is that not a pure insult.

  4. #4
    Regular Member 6009tristanb's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    bispham, blackpool
    Problems Posted
    0
    Problems Solved
    0
    Best Answers
    0
    Good Answers
    0
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Vehicle InfoStats





    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by vectra gsi 3.2 View Post
    is there any need for that remark.????? is that not a pure insult.

    yeah fair sorry about the coment
    just sick of the moaning from certain member

  5. #5
    Regular Member lee gsi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Hampshire (Near Havant) . .Drives: Signum 1.9 CDTi
    Problems Posted
    0
    Problems Solved
    0
    Best Answers
    0
    Good Answers
    0
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    4 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Vehicle InfoStats

    Vehicle : Signum

    Trim : Design

    Engine : 1.9 CDTi

    Year : 2005

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by 6009tristanb View Post
    their old but funny

    be careful tho a certain member who is irish might also be a dwarf
    You cant call them Dwarfs anymore




















    They are Leprechauns

  6. #6
    Full Member Niall83's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Belfast
    Problems Posted
    0
    Problems Solved
    0
    Best Answers
    0
    Good Answers
    0
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Vehicle InfoStats





    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by 6009tristanb View Post
    be careful tho a certain member who is irish might also be a dwarf
    Who's that ment for then??
    AirBox Mod-Angel Eye head lights-HID 5000k-Colour coded grill-GID to CID-Auto Dim rear view Mirror, Rear Parking Sensors, Signum Fog surrounds, 19" Audi A5 rep Alloys, Eibach 30mm Pro-kit Lowering Springs.

  7. #7
    Regular Member 6009tristanb's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    bispham, blackpool
    Problems Posted
    0
    Problems Solved
    0
    Best Answers
    0
    Good Answers
    0
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Vehicle InfoStats





    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Niall83 View Post
    Who's that ment for then??


    its not ment for you

  8. #8
    VIP-Member Johnsdutton's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    East Kilbride
    Problems Posted
    0
    Problems Solved
    0
    Best Answers
    0
    Good Answers
    0
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Vehicle InfoStats

    Vehicle : Signum

    Trim : Elite

    Engine : 3.2 v6

    Year : 2004

    Mileage : 110,000

    Default

    Jesus lighten up guys. Have you lot been on the grumpy pills today.
    Tristan it ain' worth it mate.
    Lee that is a belter, but you know what is going to happen.
    3.2 v6 Signum and loving it

    http://www.freewebs.com/johnsdutton/

  9. #9
    North West Regional Organiser paulvectrac's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    morecambe
    Problems Posted
    0
    Problems Solved
    0
    Best Answers
    0
    Good Answers
    0
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    41 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)
    Vehicle InfoStats

    Vehicle : vectra

    Trim : vxr

    Engine : 2.8 v6 turbo

    Year : 2007

    Default

    omg qality jokes dont no whats more funny jokes or the pointless arguments lol
    Vectra vxr custome remaps egr deletes dpf and diagnostic work all remaps are custome bench tuning avalible all genuine equipment PM for info

  10. #10
    Regular Member lee gsi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Hampshire (Near Havant) . .Drives: Signum 1.9 CDTi
    Problems Posted
    0
    Problems Solved
    0
    Best Answers
    0
    Good Answers
    0
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    4 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Vehicle InfoStats

    Vehicle : Signum

    Trim : Design

    Engine : 1.9 CDTi

    Year : 2005

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Johnsdutton View Post
    #
    Lee that is a belter, but you know what is going to happen.
    I dont care......................If that offends someone they need to get out in the real world

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 50
    Last Post: 7th April 2012, 21:24
  2. Irish Car Joke
    By gaz4d in forum Comedy & Humour
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 4th August 2009, 13:26
  3. Short Irish parking joke
    By muffking in forum Comedy & Humour
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 14th May 2008, 01:14
  4. I'm Quite Offended
    By VauxVeteran in forum The 'Off Topic' room
    Replies: 26
    Last Post: 24th April 2008, 22:03

Visitors found this page by searching for:

Nobody landed on this page from a search engine, yet!

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •