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Thread: More irish jokes

  1. #1
    Full Member bobssignum's Avatar
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    Default More irish jokes

    Joe says to Paddy: “Close your curtains the next time you’re shagging your wife. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday.” Paddy says: “Well the joke’s on them stupid *******s because I wasn’t even at home yesterday.”


    Paddy says to Mick - I’m ready for a holiday, only this year I’m going to do it a bit different. 3 years ago I went to Spain and Mary got pregnant. 2 years ago I went to Italy and Mary got pregnant. Last year I went to Majorca and Mary got pregnant. Mick asks - So what are you going to do this year?. Paddy replies, - I’ll take her with me!



    Paddy says to Mick, “Christmas is on a Friday this year”.... Mick says “Let’s hope it’s not the 13th.”



    Paddy & Mick find three grenades, so they take them to a police station. Mick: “What if one explodes before we get there?” Paddy: “We’ll lie and say we only found two.”



    Paddy’s in the bathroom and Murphy shouts to him. “Did you find the shampoo?” Paddy says, “yes but it’s for dry hair and I’ve just wet mine.”



    Paddy goes to the vet with his goldfish. “I think it’s got epilepsy” he tells the vet.
    Vet takes a look and says “It seems calm enough to me”. Paddy says, “I haven’t taken it out of the bowl yet”.



    Paddy spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope “DO NOT BEND “.
    Paddy spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick the ****** thing up.



    Paddy shouts frantically into the phone “My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!”
    ”Is this her first child?” asks the Doctor. “No”, shouts Paddy, “this is her husband!”



    Paddy was driving home, drunk as a skunk, suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another.
    A cop car pulls him over as he veers about all over the road. Paddy tells the cop about all the trees in the road.
    Cop says “For gods sake Paddy, that’s your air freshener swinging about!”



    An old Irish farmer’s dog goes missing and he’s inconsolable. His wife says “Why don’t you put an advert in the paper?”
    He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing. “What did you put in the paper?” his wife asks. “Here boy” he replies.



    Paddy’s in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet. “What the hell you doing?” he asks. “Hanging myself” Paddy replies. “It should be around your neck” says the Guard. “I know” says Paddy “but I couldn’t breathe”.



    An answer I can understand. An American tourist asks an Irishman: “Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?”
    To which the Irishman replies: “If they fell forwards, they’d still be in the ****** boat.”



    Driving vauxhall,s for 30 + years
    and still loving it

  2. #2
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  3. #3
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    Default

    Haha, never heard the 8th one down, made me laugh out loud like a fool

  4. #4
    Regular Member farley2708's Avatar
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    keep em comming

  5. #5
    Regular Member Big Knox's Avatar
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    Grenade one is my fav lol

  6. #6
    Full Member Mark Evison's Avatar
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    fpmsl there class
    Vauxhall Vectra C March 2006 - Dec 2010
    Vauxhall Insignia Dec 2010 - Jan 2016
    Vauxhall Astra VXR Jan 2016 - Present

  7. #7
    Regular Member david-bell's Avatar
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    Lol they are old good

  8. #8
    VIP-Member Johnsdutton's Avatar
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    Some of the best.
    3.2 v6 Signum and loving it

    http://www.freewebs.com/johnsdutton/

  9. #9
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    boring

  10. #10
    Full Member GazVXLINE170's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FLOB View Post
    boring
    Maybe if you knew how helpful Bob was to other members on this site you wouldn't use the word 'boring'.
    Insignia VX-Line Nav CDTI 170.

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