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Thread: Genuine German Jokes

  1. #1
    Regular Member TonyP2020's Avatar
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    Default Genuine German Jokes

    "What is romantic?"
    "I don't know."
    "When a man strokes a woman tenderly with a feather."

    "What is perverse?"
    "I don't know."
    "When the chicken is still attached."



    There are problems in the woods. The animals of the forest are always drunk, so the fox decides to ban alcohol.
    The following day, the fox spies a rabbit hanging out of a tree, clearly wasted. The fox ticks him off, and carries on his way.
    But the next day he sees the rabbit drunk again, and gives him a final warning.
    The next day, the fox does his rounds and there's no sign of the rabbit, but he notices a straw sticking out of a stream.
    Wondering what it is, the fox scoops it out, only to find a very drunk rabbit on the other end of it. "How many times do I have to tell you that animals of the forest aren't allowed alcohol?" says the Fox.
    "We fishes don't give a toss what the animals of the forest aren't allowed to do," says the rabbit


    A man jumps out of a plane for the first time.
    At 3,000m he tries to undo his parachute, but the cord fails.
    At 2,000m he tries to open the emergency chute but that doesn't work either.
    At 1,000m he bumps into a man wearing blue overalls, carrying a spanner.
    "Can you repair parachutes?" asks the first man. "'Fraid not," says the other. "I only do boilers."


    Three priests hold a meeting to discuss where life begins.
    The evangelical priest says, "No question about it, life begins when the child is born."
    "No, no," says the Catholic priest, "it all starts when the sperm meets the egg."
    "You're both wrong," says the Rabbi. "Life begins when the children have left home and the dog is dead."

    Last edited by TonyP2020; 4th March 2012 at 16:18.

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    Regular Member Big Knox's Avatar
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    Default


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    Regular Member TonyP2020's Avatar
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    I did'nt say they were funny.

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    Three of the best jokes I've heard on this forum lol

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    Regular Member Envy's Avatar
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    My misses is German and my two boys are half DE/UK.

    How dare you start this thread !!!!!! ............ With only three jokes.

    I need much more material than that

    Consider this as your first and final warning

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    Regular Member Signum-Steve's Avatar
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    Don't mention the war!

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    Regular Member ridgers84's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Envy View Post
    My misses is German and my two boys are half DE/UK.

    How dare you start this thread !!!!!! ............ With only three jokes.

    I need much more material than that

    Consider this as your first and final warning
    Haha, quality.... Read the first two lines of that and though 'uh oh, here we go again!' .....then I read the rest. Good job people like you are light hearted :-)

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    Regular Member Envy's Avatar
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    I always love the German mickey taking.

    Just remember the euro's and world cup are much more intense and enjoyable in our house hold plus the misses does a lovely curry bratwurst

    Spent quite a few years living in Germany and made some realy good friends even if they are krauts with no sense of humour (just a joke
    , I'm just kidding)

    To be honest I could not give a ratts ass where people come from as long as they pay their taxes here

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    Regular Member paddyvectra's Avatar
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    Envy im also married to a german and my wee one is 40% Kraut lover and 60% N.irish and i love a currywurst (even get the inlaws to send the proper curry sauce over lol)

    And as i often remind my missus when she accuses me off doing wrong i simply tell her that what i have done is nothing compared to the fact that they bombed our chip shops!!!

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    Regular Member TonyP2020's Avatar
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    I fancy trying a currywurst. Any idea where I can get one??

    Anyway, I have found the English version of one of the German jokes above.

    A man jumps out of a plane for the first time.
    At 3,000m he tries to open his parachute, but the cord fails.
    At 2,000m he tries to open the emergency chute but that doesn't work either.
    At 1,000m he bumps into a man wearing blue overalls, carrying a spanner, but going upwards.
    "Can you repair parachutes?" asks the first man.
    "'Afraid not," says the other man, "and I've just found out that I cant repair gas boilers either."

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