1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become fully covered in thick grease, your nose will begin to itch and/or you'll have to go take a pee.

2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act

4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

5. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tyre, the very next morning you'll have a flat tyre.

6. Variation Law - If you change traffic lanes, the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.

7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11. Law of the Theater and Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle always arrive last. They're the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. Aisle people are also very surly ******s.

12. The Alpha Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. The Beta Coffee Law - While leaving home having just dosed up on gallons of strong brew to help you fly through the night after being called out off reserve duty, the crewing officer calls back saying the flight has been cancelled and have a good night's sleep.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug, or the filthiness of the kitchen tiles.

15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you're talking about.

16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - If your audience is full of buxom nubiles, the chances of you accidently saying something sexual (such as "boobs" iso "tubes") increases exponentially the longer your speech goes on.

18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really really like, they'll stop making it.

19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor - by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment - you'll stay sick

20. If get lost in a supermarket and chat to buxom female, wife will appear and you will get grief.