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Thread: Adults only funnies

  1. #1
    Regular Member nicj's Avatar
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    Default Adults only funnies

    A girl came up to me in a bar last night and said "What's your name?"
    I said "BOND." She turned to me and said "Let me guess.. James Bond?"

    I said "No , UNI BOND - i'm here to fill yer crack!"



    A nun who went to the doctors because she was feeling sick was told she was pregnant. Totally dumbfounded at the news , the next day she stormed into the monastry and shouted "Right , which one of you dirty b*stards has been w***ing over the candles?"


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    Full Member tolly's Avatar
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    lmfao

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    haha

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    Regular Member Bigglesfliesundone's Avatar
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    That reminds me of the Scottish gay partners, Ben Doon and Phil McCrevis

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    Regular Member nicj's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bigglesfliesundone View Post
    That reminds me of the Scottish gay partners, Ben Doon and Phil McCrevis
    And even Ivor Biggun and Mike Hunt

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    Regular Member Bigglesfliesundone's Avatar
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    Three friends - two straight guys and a gay guy -- and their significant others were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship; they all drowned, and next thing you know, they're standing before St. Peter.

    First came one of the straight guys and his wife. St. Peter shook his head sadly. "I can't let you in. You loved money too much. You loved it so much, you even married a woman named Penny."

    Then came the second straight guy. "Sorry, can't let you in, either. You loved food too much. You loved to eat so much, you even married a woman named Candy!"

    The gay guy turned to his boyfriend and whispered nervously, "It doesn't look good, Dick

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    Regular Member nicj's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bigglesfliesundone View Post
    Three friends - two straight guys and a gay guy -- and their significant others were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship; they all drowned, and next thing you know, they're standing before St. Peter.

    First came one of the straight guys and his wife. St. Peter shook his head sadly. "I can't let you in. You loved money too much. You loved it so much, you even married a woman named Penny."

    Then came the second straight guy. "Sorry, can't let you in, either. You loved food too much. You loved to eat so much, you even married a woman named Candy!"

    The gay guy turned to his boyfriend and whispered nervously, "It doesn't look good, Dick
    Lmao brilliant

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    Regular Member Bigglesfliesundone's Avatar
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    At Any Given Moment:

    FACT:
    79,000,000 people are engaged in sex - right now!

    FACT:
    68,000,000 people are fondling breasts or being fondled - right now!

    FACT:
    58,000,000 are kissing.

    FACT:
    37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.

    FACT:
    1 Sad person is viewing a chat forum right now.


    You hang on in there, Sunshine .........

  9. #9
    Regular Member nicj's Avatar
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    Eh I'm missing out bigtime :/

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    Regular Member Bigglesfliesundone's Avatar
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    A man and his new bride were lying in bed about to consumate the marriage. He said to her,

    "I have something to tell you darling. I have to admit that I have had many girlfriends before and you're not the first".

    "I don't mind" she said. "In fact, your experience should improve our relationship. Actually, I have something to admit as well. I used to be a hooker".

    "That's OK too" he replied. "Again, that too will help our relationship".

    "No - you don't understand. My name used to be Brian and I played for Wigan!"

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