I called 911 and said, "I think my wife is dead." The operator asked, "How do you know?" I said, "The sex is the same, but the ironing is building up."
I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest ***** she had ever laid her hands on. I said, "You're pulling my leg."
My girlfriend thinks I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
I went for my routine check up today and everything seemed to be going fine until the doctor stuck his index finger up my rear end. Do you think I should change dentists?
My wife said, "You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back." I said, "What do you expect? You're in a wheel chair!"
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated, but you must come back as a different creature. She said, "I would like to come back as a cow." I said, "You're obviously not listening."
My wife has been missing for a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst. So I went to the thrift shop to get all her clothes back.