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Thread: The consultant

  1. #1
    Full Member bobssignum's Avatar
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    Default The consultant

    A farmer was herding his sheep flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW 5-series advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one of them?"
    The farmer looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers, "Sure. Why not?"

    The yuppie parks his BMW, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Nokia mobile phone, surfs to a NASA page on the internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.


    The yuppie then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of complex formulas. He uploads all of this data via an email through his Xircom, and after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer. He glances at the last page, turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1586 sheep."

    "That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my sheep." says the farmer. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the boot of his BMW.

    Then the farmer says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my sheep?"

    The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

    "You're a consultant." says the farmer.

    "Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

    "Mate, no guessing required." answered the farmer. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew; to a question I never asked; and you don't know crap about my business.

    Now give me back my dog."
    Driving vauxhall,s for 30 + years
    and still loving it

  2. #2
    Regular Member dazza1964's Avatar
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