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Thread: Passport application

  1. #1
    Full Member bobssignum's Avatar
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    Default Passport application

    Sad but true
    This was actually taken from a UK passport application and a member of staff copied it, as it made her laugh all day.


    Dear Minister, I'm in the process of renewing my passport but I am a total loss to understand or believe the hoops I am being asked to jump through.

    How is it that Bert Smith of T.V. Rentals Bournemouth has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a satellite dish from them back in 1994, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date?

    How come that nice West African immigrant chappy who comes round every Thursday night with his DVD rentals van can tell me every film or video I have had out since he started his business up eleven years ago, yet you still want me to remind you of my last three jobs, two of which were with contractors working for the government?
    How come the TV detector van can tell if my TV is on, what channel I am watching and whether I have paid my licence or not, and yet if I win the government run lottery they have no idea I have won or where I am and will keep the ****** money to themselves if I fail to claim in good time. Do you people do this by hand?

    You have my birth date on numerous files you hold on me, including the one with all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30-odd years. It's on my health insurance card, my driver's licence, on the last four passports I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the planes and boats over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that are done every ten years and the electoral registration forms I have to complete, by law, every time our lords and masters are up for re-election. Would somebody please take note, once and for all, I was born in Maidenhead on the 4th of March 1957, my mother's name is Mary, her maiden name was Reynolds, my father's name is Robert, and I'd be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and the day I die!

    I apologise Minister. I'm obviously not myself this morning. But between you and me, I have simply had enough! You mail the application to my house, then you ask me for my address. What is going on? Do you have a gang of Neanderthals working there? Look at my damn picture.. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to activate the Fifth Reich for God's sake! I just want to go and park my weary backside on a sunny, sandy beach in Barbados for a couple of week's well-earned rest away from all this crap.

    Well, I have to go now, because I have to go to back to Christchurch and get another copy of my birth certificate because you lost the last one. AND to the tune of 60 quid! What a racket THAT is!! Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day? But nooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You'd rather have us running all over the place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some ****** to confirm that it's really me on the goddamn picture - you know... the one where we're not allowed to smile in, in case we look as if we are enjoying the process! Hey, you know why we can't smile? 'Cause we're totally jacked off!

    I served in the armed forces for more than 25 years including over ten years at the Ministry of Defence in London . I have had security clearances which allowed me to sit in the Cabinet Office, five seats away from the Prime Minister while he was being briefed on the first Gulf War and I have been doing volunteer work for the British Red Cross ever since I left the Services. However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am - you know, someone like my doctor... who, before he got his medical degree 6 months ago, WAS LIVING IN PAKISTAN
    Driving vauxhall,s for 30 + years
    and still loving it

  2. #2
    Regular Member chewy71's Avatar
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    silly thing is,... it's bang on the truth

  3. #3
    Regular Member tuga32's Avatar
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    Portuguese Government is not to diferent, and going to the Embassy in London is a nightmare and can take up to three trips as well, lol.

  4. #4
    Regular Member Grumpy1954's Avatar
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by chewy71 View Post
    silly thing is,... it's bang on the truth
    Sad but true.

  5. #5
    Regular Member paddyvectra's Avatar
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    love it

  6. #6
    Regular Member skidmark1's Avatar
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    Default

    it forgot to add you need someone "important" who has known you for the past 3 years who has already got a passport if you dont know anyone then no passport.

  7. #7
    Regular Member rockonoli1's Avatar
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    My uncle went for his passport interview last week and was asked the following- 1) What is your mobile number ? 2) your mother and father were born in a different hospital to you why ? 3) what is the age of your doctor ? 4) are you British ? His replies were 1) I don't know my mobile number as I don't ring myself if someone asks for it I txt them. 2) the hospital shut down and they also moved to a different part of the uk. 3) I don't know do you know how old yours is (reply was surprisingly NO) 4) well I think so as I have always lived in the uk and was also born here. The most ironic thing about the whole interview was the interviewer was POLISH ( no offence intended to anyone)

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    and i bet you a pound to a penny after reading the letter the minister sat there rather red faced also knowing that it was all pretty much true.

  9. #9
    Regular Member rockonoli1's Avatar
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    Forgot to mention he passed the interview.

  10. #10
    Regular Member Derek Mc's Avatar
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    Unreal!!! It is sadly so true

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